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Goodbye, Dear Friend

Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call – a scary phone call. The kind of phone call that changes your life. What I first heard was that my friend Debbie’s husband had been in a motorcycle accident. A bad one. I called Lois and then I called Sharon. And I braced myself for what I thought would be the worst – helping Debbie cope with whatever had happened to Steve. And then the phone rang again and I found out that it was actually Debbie who was in the accident. And she didn’t make it.

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My dear sweet beautiful friend was coming home from work on her motorcycle and she was hit by a gigantic SUV. She didn’t have a chance, according to what we’ve been told. It wasn’t long after getting the final phone call when Sharon and Lois and Wendy and our other friends were gathered on my deck. And then we all went together to Debbie’s house to offer what little comfort we could to Steve and the rest of Debbie’s family.

I’m trying to be strong but this is a new kind of grieving for me. I’ve lost both my parents and two brothers – one in a motorcycle accident twenty-four years ago. I’ve been to countless wakes and funerals over the years but the loss of a friend, a truly wonderful friend, is a new one for me. And she wasn’t just my friend, she was a friend to Dale and my whole family, too. We camped together and beached together and ate Chinese food together. She was on the beach with me the day I learned to knit. She read this blog and commented frequently. Debbie and her family came to our home every Christmas Eve and they were included in all of our family gatherings.

And every Wednesday night Debbie, Sharon, Wendy, Lois and I gathered to quilt, knit and chat. The five of us talked about everything – politics, religion, family, kids, work, happy things and sad things and scary things. We even joked about what our husbands would do with our stashes if something were to happen to one of us, not that we ever really considered that something actually would happen. Truly, nothing was off limits on our Wednesday nights and we forged an incredible bond with each other. And now one of us is violently, suddenly, just gone.

I feel like things are never going to be the same again.

This Post Has 158 Comments

  1. Oh Carole. I’m so very sorry. I wish I could say something to help, but I know that the only thing I can do is to tell you I’m thinking of you and of her family today.

  2. Carole, I am so sorry for the loss of such a wonderful person in your life. My thoughts are with you and your family today.

  3. Carole, I pray for you strength, wisdom, freedom to grieve, lovely memories, time to be utterly sad, love, and peace. You are in my prayers.

  4. Carole, I’m so sorry to hear of your friend’s passing. That is so tragic and heartbreaking. All of your family and hers will be in my prayers. Much love to you all.

  5. Carole, I am sorry to hear. I hope you grieve as long as you need to and no longer. I hope that the grieving helps. I am thinking of you and your friend’s family and i will keep you all in my prayers

  6. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear friend, Carole. My thoughts and hugs are with you. All you can do is take one day at a time.

  7. I’m so sorry for you and for her family. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you right now.

  8. I’m sorry sounds so hollow at such a time as this. I’ve never lost a girlfriend to death, though I did lose a young husband when we were both near 30. He died while scuba diving, leaving me with two young children.

    I realize men are different than women, so I can’t really know what Steve will need, but myself, during the following days, weeks, months…after my dh’s death, I just needed to talk about him. I found that whenever I did talk about him, it made everyone around me uncomfortable and they’d quickly change the subject. If only they could’ve realized it brought me comfort to do it. I felt like I was keeping him a little bit alive.

    Maybe Debbie’s husband will want to talk about Debbie, and maybe her kids will… maybe not. Just be there for them and let them give you the cues.

    I’m really, really sorry that you lost your good friend. 🙁

  9. My goodness, how terrible. It sounds like she was more than a friend, more like a sister. I’m so sorry for the loss.

  10. Oh I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I wish there were words that could heal your heart. Let me just extend some virtual hugs.

  11. I was justing doing my usual blog surfing when I came across your post…I’m so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart to hear of people in pain whether I know them or not…your sadness is tangible and I feel for you and your friends.

  12. My deepest sympathy to you and your friends and family.

    I have never commented before but I thought it might help for you to know how wonderful your blog is (tragic news excluded). I have been going thru a tough personal crisis recently and reading your blog EVERY day somehow (why I don’t know) makes me feel a little better and usually brings a smile to my face. I just want to say THANK YOU for taking the time and posting everyday.

    May God bless you. I said a special prayer for your friend Debbie and her family and for you, may you find the strength to get thru this.

  13. Oh Carole, the tears are just running down my face. I wish there was something we could all do to ease your pain, but I know that time is the only thing that helps to heal the heart even a little bit. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

  14. I am so sorry for your loss and for this loss that will touch so many families and lives. Debbie must have been an amazing lady to have been so valued and loved by you and your family. She will live on in the lives that she touched. *hugs*

  15. It’s just the most awful thing to lose a good friend, and even worse that it’s so sudden and horrible. I’m so sorry for your loss…

  16. My condolences to you and to Debbie’s family. Thank you for her photo. Your quilting group obviously was an important part of her life. Do you have any pictures of her FOs or WIPs? They may be material things, but it might be a comfort to see them.

  17. Carole. I am so sorry for your loss. I. too lost a friend not long ago and she had been my friend for 60 years. Comforting each other is the best way to go and to keep her memory alive with wonderful and fun thoughts. My heart goes out to you and her family. sandy

  18. I am holding you, your family, and Debbie’s family in my heart today. My thoughts and prayers are with you all, dear friend.

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