Hannah has started dating. In fact, she officially has a boyfriend. They’ve been “going out” for a few weeks but had only been seeing each other at school until this past weekend when he asked her to go to a party with him. Dale and I told her this was fine so long as he came to pick her up and we got to meet him.
So he came to pick her up last Friday night. I shook his hand, Dale shook his hand. He was very polite and respectful. And then they left.
After they left all I could think about was when Hannah was a toddler and moved from a crib into a bed. Suddenly I didn’t know for sure where she was all the time. Up until then I would put her in her crib and she would stay there until I came and let her out. Once she was in a bed all bets were off – she could get out on her own and wander around the house. It was a very unsettling feeling.
And that’s just how I felt on Friday night. Suddenly I didn’t know for sure where she was. And I certainly didn’t know for sure what she was doing. I know this is the part where I let her go and trust that she’ll do the right thing and remember everything I’ve taught her. It’s harder than I thought it would be, though.
I might have to start drinking more.
Nora Said,
Oh, honey… I’m not quite there, but soon enough. It’s so bittersweet watching them grow up, isn’t it? I was thinking yesterday about my youngest in her little lion costume when she was trick or treating for the first time… now she’s as tall as I am and wears my shoes.
xo
Kirsten Said,
I know just how you feel!!
Now we hope that what we have taught them for all these years stays with them and they are ready to make responsible decisions.
Manise Said,
Haven’t been there yet, but your analogy is spot on! That’s a beautiful photo of her btw. I hope she had a great time.
Ruth Said,
Oh, my. I’m glad you’re blazing this trail for me. I am NOT READY.
Carol Said,
Ack! I’m putting my daughter back in her crib! (She’s 5)
margene Said,
Or praying more. She’s a wonderful grrl!
DebbieB Said,
{{hugs}} BTDT – both daughters are now in their late 20′s, and don’t get in any (much) trouble as they wander around the house.
Kathy Said,
No no no!!!
Tonni Said,
I’m there with you… it’s a totally different kind of worry and I don’t like it one bit!!! Have a glass of wine or two
Karen Said,
I remember that feeling all too well and it’s one I wouldn’t want to go back and do over. Cheers!
Shannon Said,
I’m copying Carol!
deb Said,
Crap! I was just getting used to twelve. I’m taking notes – PLEASE keep us posted!!
Barbara-Kay Said,
I hope Hannah reads your blog, and sees how much you care in writing.
Remember how much knitting can calm the troubled mind. I suspect these early dates will be BIG knitting opportunities!
Donna Said,
I am so not ready for that! We have a few years before the boyfriends can drive (right now the ‘boyfriends’ are boys she sees in school and nothing more).
I think I might start drinking more now – maybe in three years I can handle it.
gale (she shoots sheep shots) Said,
I hear you! My approach: worry, wine,(also whine) , knit, increased hair coloring and skin moisturizer (to ease the new worry lines).
Robin in VA Said,
I have 3 letters for you……GPS!!
Hang in there, I’ll have a drink for you!
kelly Said,
lol i can’t help but laugh at the gps comment hahahha
She will be fine mama!!
Joy Said,
She’s lovely! BTDT x 2 (with twin girls), who are now 42 and raising 3 and 2 kids respectively. You’ll make it – hang in there and knit more
Knitnana Said,
And you DO know you’ve taught her the right things.
You’ll be fine (I suspect). And she’ll make her own mistakes, as we ALL do! (can you tell that I’m STILL working on this, and mine will be 31 next month??? with 3 sons???)
(but the drinking part? well….all in moderation)
(((((hugs)))))
Mary K. in Rockport Said,
Unsettling, isn’t it? My advice is, save the heavy drinking for later on, ‘cuz it only gets worse! Sorry.
pumpkinmama Said,
I think of myself as a pretty chilled out mother, and thinking of this just made me hyperventilate. Deep breaths…..I’m sure you’ll all make it through.
Becky Said,
Pace yourself–you have a few more years to go! What was worse for me than the first date was the first broken heart, something I never wanted to have to see my kid go through, but was inevitable.
liz Said,
I feel for you.
I don’t want to think about the stuff that is coming down the road. Right now, that loose tooth on the top is killing me even more than losing the bottom teeth.
Laurie Said,
Trust, and gentle guidance, I would think. It’s probably just as nasty as letting her drive alone.
Karen Said,
I hear it gets harder before it gets easier.
Lisa Said,
Every age has new challenges – for us and for them. I am definitely glad I have quite a few years until the dating should start!
Wool Winder Said,
Letting go is a gradual thing. This is a first step. You’ll get better at it as time goes by, especially if you know you’ve prepared her well. And the good thing is, you are still right there if she needs guidance.
Kim Said,
a glass of wine and a spinning wheel do wonders when you are waiting for them to come home. You raised her right….she will do fine
.
Judy Said,
Hold on tight! Enjoy the ride. Oh yeah.. and check for sales on tequila.
Carrie Said,
Drinking more sounds like the perfect way to cope with that.
Katie K Said,
I feel your pain (my daughter is the same age as Hannah). You’re joking about the drinking, right? They follow our lead, and you certainly don’t want her to get into drinking. I think you’re kidding.
We front load. We knit. We move on.
scoutj Said,
gawd…..I can’t even imagine!
la güera Said,
My son turns 15 in March and will have a driver’s permit. I am banking sleep (ha!) until he turns 16 and is driving on his own.
I’ll drink a toast to our kids making good decisions.
Chrissie Said,
She’s a good kid. She’ll be fine and you’ll be fine. Just don’t think about what you were doing at her age!
Love ya!
Mary in Boston Said,
It was the learning to drive and letting them use the car that sent me over the edge.
And, as Becky said, the first broken heart was really hard to see.
Wine, spinning, and knitting helps.
Hillary Said,
I’m not quite there yet but I know what you mean about letting go. Middle School has brought more changes faster than I ever imagined. It’s a really scary ride but it’s kind of exciting too when your kid starts to blossom. I’m sure that wine will help a lot.
Jessica Said,
I don’t envy you. That’s why my kids are four-footed and one of them stays in a cage when we can’t supervise!
Cheryl S. Said,
Aaaaaaaargh! She’s a good kid – put your trust in that. But have the wine handy anyway.
JessaLu Said,
As you know, I feel your pain. When Dobby started dating, we made sure that scary (looking) Uncle Dave was at the house, Harley and all, when the prospective BF showed up for their date. ;o)
She’ll be okay, you’ve raised a wonderful, thoughtful, self-assured, responsible young lady.
)
Martha Said,
Fora good kid, knowing your parents trust you can be the best preventative of all. And Hannah is a good kid and a smart girl. But just in case, it probably wouldn’t hurt if Dale was cleaning his rifle the next time her boyfriend came to pick her up.
Karen Said,
I wish I could say it got easier – mine is 19 and the curent BF, let’s just say I don’t like him one bit. Hopefully we taught them well and that they will remain the thoughtful and responsible young ladies we know they are
Lynne Said,
And then they get married…one of ours is being wed this weekend!
claudia Said,
I recommend vodka, the good stuff.
Imbrium Said,
She’s a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and a wonderful mother who loves her very much – I’m sure she’ll be fine.
Just as I’m sure that nothing we can say will make you stop worrying.
In which case, I’m with Claudia…mmm, vodka.
Teyani Said,
ah yes – I remember these exact same kinds of moments with both my girls. and I totally agree, it’s very difficult.
am laughing over Claudia’s comment…. and yup, I agree with her, drink the good stuff
Kristyn Said,
I am glad I have 15 or so years before I have to worry about my baby dating. Good luck to all of you.
Risa Said,
I can’t say as I’m looking forward to the dating either. They grow up so very fast. Blink is all it takes isn’t it?
Ann Said,
Oh, my. Well, she’s lovely and well raised. That’s the best you can do (and it’s pretty good, I’d have to say…) I get anxiety attacks when I think about my kids driving around with other kids, which I know is just months away. You’re right. Time for a couple of scoops of vanilla ice-cream with limoncello sloshed all over it.
Danielle Said,
Does this boy know that if he’s not good to Hannah, dozens of knitters (with pointy needles, I might add) will be after him??
Lucia Said,
Yikes. The scariest part is that she’s only three years older than Miss B. Or is it four? In any case, it’s not enough.
LOL at Danielle’s comment. He will be hopelessly entangled in yarn and poked black and blue before he knows what hit him.
Heather Said,
Well, if she was with Evan you wouldn’t have much to worry about, but nooooooooooooooo
Jan Said,
Carole, I know exactly how you feel. By this point in her life, Hannah is going to do what the values you and Dale have instilled in her tell her. I told my daughter that even though I wasn’t always going to like where she was, please call and tell me where she was. She always called, and we as parents did not judge her. She has become a lovely, delightful and articulate young lady, now 24. She still calls by the way!
Sylvia Said,
We’re about eight months ahead of you, and it is EXACTLY like the crib to toddler bed transition! It helped for us to tell our DD the “We trust you but don’t necessarily trust tangible reality to treat you well” speech again. She carries her cell phone and enough cash to get home via cab (phone number programmed in the phone). The two things I fuss about are parental chaperones and who is driving. DH enforces the dress code in a Coach Dad kind of way, “Sweetie, you look like a slut — go put on a longer skirt!” We try to be consistent and say the same things whether she’s going out with a BF or a bunch of girls.
Her first BF has become an extra son for us. We adore him. Of course, they broke up after six months, but they’re still friends. I am trying to remain calm as I daydream about who will be next…!
I’m with Martha. And have Dale wear his uniform, too.
jessica~ Said,
Oh, jeeez! I’m so glad I don’t have a girl…
maryse Said,
haha i love martha’s suggestion!
she’s a smart girl and i bet she’s picked herself a good kid. glad i’m not a parent though. i worry when i let the cat out!
kmkat Said,
I have been there, although with boys the worry is different. It’s still worry, though. You raised her right, now it’s time to let her test her wings (with a cell phone and cab fare home in her pocket). Let her know that the most dangerous thing she could do — aside from weird drugs, which she isn’t gonna do anyway — is get into a car with a driver she doesn’t know or who is impaired. Anything else she can recover from.
Keep knitting, like EZ said. It will keep you sane. Take it easy on the booze — you are setting an example, you know
Jean Said,
Knitting has brought me such comfort – no matter what is troubling me, it just seems to fade a little when I pick up my needles. Also it doesn’t hurt to pamper yourself a bit, facials do wonders for my spirit and I try to indulge in the a few times a year. You’ve received so many thoughtful comments above that I’m sure you’ll be able to apply some of it or derive comfort from them.
Jean Said,
That’s why God gave me four boys. She’s beautiful.
Chris Said,
*pats Carole sympathetically and passes a martini*
--Deb Said,
I’m sending sympathy, but with the full knowledge that, since I don’t have kids of my own, I can’t really appreciate how you feel… but I’m trying!
Cookie Said,
She is your child. She is smart enough to remember how she was raised and to know how to behave. She’ll do just fine.
Dale threatened the boy, right? Next time he comes over, Dale should be cleaning a musket. Just sayin’…
jill Said,
We have the backhoe on order. Moat goes in once we’ve finished the gun turrets. Keep the syrah on tap, and I’ll get our blueprints faxed right to ya!
sigh…
michelle Said,
I so understand this! I just about gave myself a panic attack not to long ago with thoughts of “did I do this right?”. My son is a senior this year, and all the getting ready for college stuff is starting to really freak me out. The dating stuff was just a drop in the bucket of the oh my-he really is a big boy now.
CaroleP Said,
Congratulations on her first date and your coping. She’s such a pretty girl I think you’d better get used to it. Just don’t remember what it was like when you were that age. It might get really scarey. Right now my 13 year old granddaughter thinks she wants to date (I can’t imagine who?) But it ain’t gonna happen!!! (Her dad and mom said that too, thank goodness!). Where does the time go?
Dawn Said,
my eldest daughter will turn 14 in april. i’ll turn 30 next week. (waiting for y’all to do the math). . . yeah. i worry. her best friend was bragging about having had ‘the talk’ with her mom. Summer told her “i’ve had the talk so much, i have it memorized!” YES!!! that was the goal! so that when she ended up in any situation, she would have information ready from which to pull. now i have to trust that she will use the information i gave her to make decisions that will make me proud. that is all we can do. we teach them and they make the decisions. let go with your arms, hold on with your heart. and enable gps tracking on her cellphone. and a spy camera. . .
Nancy Said,
My daughter is now 22 so I’ve sort of been through all this myself. You just have to be there for them when they need you. Looks like your daughter is smart and self confident and that always goes a long way!
Leslie Said,
Oh, the not knowing is so hard! Believe it or not, it’s hard with sons as well as daughters. I don’t think it’s possible, as loving parents, to ever stop worrying. Hannah is a beautiful young lady and I’ll bet she will make wise choices.
sunflowerfairy Said,
We’ve been putting off changing The Boy’s crib into a bed for this exact reason. I’m so afraid. What if he gets out of bed and falls down the stairs, what if he goes into another room and I can’t hear him on the monitor and he needs something, what if he comes into my room and tries to wake me up and I hurt him thinking that he’s someone else, what if he just plays all night and doesn’t sleep… what if, what if….
Don’t even get me started on potty training.
sue Said,
My ‘baby’ started dating a year ago. Just wait until Hannah plucks some cashmere out of your stash to knit a Xmas gift for BF and then later, breaks up with him. That’s what happened here. My DD survived the break up just fine…. I’m still mourning the loss of that skein of cashmere…. But, on the other hand if losing a skein of coveted yarn is the only thing I have to complain about in regard to this dating thing… then I’m doing pretty well.
Next time I’m supervising the stash diving more closely. I wish I could supervise the BF choices more closely…. but so far she’s doing OK in that area.
Norma Said,
If the idea is role modeling, LESS drinking is in order, not more.
Emily Said,
I need a drink just reading this.
jessie Said,
Ha, I remember thinking that with our boys just recently (18 and 21). Even after they could drive, they checked in with us constantly and they never left the house without letting us know where they were. Over time, esp. since they’ve left for school, that’s changed of course. Over the summer I realized I often didn’t know where the 19 yo was (not that he was ever doing anything terribly exciting). Suddenly he has a life that goes on independently of ours.
Weird.
I wonder if it will be harder with a daughter than it was with sons. Not looking forward to finding out!