On Tuesday I joined my local YMCA. This decision was inspired by several factors:
- When Dale and I were on vacation there were lots of full length mirrors in our various hotel rooms. Lots. That meant I got a good look at myself, something I don’t get to do at home since we only have 1 full length mirror and it’s in the bathroom and I pretty much ignore it. I was not happy with what I saw and I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell I let myself get to this point.
- My 25th college reunion was last weekend. I did not attend. Why? Because I hate the way I look. I know that people who would judge me for this aren’t really my friends, blah blah blah, but still, I did not go because I am fat. And ashamed.
- That dress I bought last week? The one I’m knitting a shawl for so that I can cover my arms? It’s a size 20. A size 20, people. I cannot continue to be a size 20 and this has to be the one and only piece of clothing I buy in that size.
- The View on Monday was called The Fat Show. Helloooooo, Carole? Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Those four things, in conjunction with a personal day from work, came together in my head and a decision was made. It was kind of a snap decision but I went with it and I joined up. I had my first appointment with my personal trainer that very afternoon. She was awesome! We went over my goals – my short term goal is to lose 10 pounds by the 4th of July – and my feelings. I told her I need her to kick my ass and not let me be lazy about this. She said, ‘you’ve taken the hardest step, you’ve started.” And I told her she was wrong because that’s just not true for me. The hardest thing for me to do is to keep at it. I start out strong and motivated and excited. And then a few weeks go by and the scale hasn’t dropped and I wonder why I’m bothering if nothing has really changed and that’s when I quit.
Not this time, though. This time I am going to turn it around. I am going to become a person who exercises. I am going to become a person who jogs. I am going to become a person who is fit. And at some point, I’m not sure just when but definitely at some point, I am going to run a 5K with my friends.
I’m counting on all of you, my blog readers, to encourage me and keep me on track and help me to not lose sight of my goals.