Carole Knits

october zinnia
october zinnia
martinis with a view
martinis with a view
gettysburg fence for
gettysburg fence for
germinate shawl on rocks
germinate shawl on rocks
field of flags 2
field of flags 2
color affection with edge
color affection with edge
cedar leaf shawlette 2
cedar leaf shawlette 2
3_27_2014
3_27_2014
3_18_13
3_18_13
2_24_2014
2_24_2014
1_11_13
1_11_13
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
  • Home
  • Carole Julius Photography

Losing Bob, A 6 Month Update

April 7, 2016 By Carole

You could say that I have some experience dealing with grief. I have gone through the usual losses – grandparents, my parents (although I was only 32 when my mom died and it was devastating) and also some unusual losses. Both of my brothers have died, Douglas 19 years ago and Donald 33 years ago this week.

Losing family members is terrible and sad but losing friends creates a whole different level of tragedy. My friend Debbie was killed 9 years ago this summer. And, 6 months ago we lost Bob to cancer. The impact of that loss, the hole that it has left in our lives, is incredibly painful. My happy and cheerful husband is somber and sad in a way I’ve never seen before. My kids cry and shake their heads because they can’t believe this man, who they knew for their whole lives, isn’t around to make them laugh. My extended family, the guys in the band, our friends and our community all feel this loss with us. They comfort us and make us feel loved but the truth is that Bob’s death has rocked us to the core.

Why am I feeling the need to write about this today? Partly because on Sunday the band played for Dale’s sister Lisa’s 60th birthday party. They played in a local hall, a place they have played countless times. A place where we have had weddings and showers and dances. A place that is easy and familiar and comfortable. A place where Bob should have been but he wasn’t. And there was someone new playing the drums in his place. Seeing that new guy (who is very nice, by the way) up there with all these men I love was surreal. And kind of sickening. I didn’t anticipate the impact of that and I truthfully don’t know how Dale held it together but the show must go on and it did. It was fun and they sounded good. Different. But good which was also tragic and sad because shouldn’t they sound bad without Bob? Shouldn’t they be unable to continue? Shouldn’t we all be unable to continue? It doesn’t work that way, though. I know that and you know that and even Bob’s wife Tina knows that. Her pain, which is stronger and far more encompassing than mine, is so great that I don’t know how she manages.

spring concert program

The other reason I’m writing about this today is because Tuesday night there was a concert at the high school where Bob taught. And it was dedicated to his memory. The three bands from the high school performed as well as Dale’s band and Bob’s brass quintet group. Each piece that was played was chosen because it reflected something about Bob. His fondness for medleys, his passion for classical music, his experience with the circus band, his deep and abiding faith, his talent for playing the French horn and the trumpet, and his love of singing and playing the drums with his rock ‘n roll band. Needless to say, it was a very emotional evening, particularly when they used a recording of Bob’s voice introducing the Ashoken Farewell from his retirement concert back in 2010 to introduce that very same song Tuesday night. There were tears shed but there were smiles, too, as we heard stories about Bob from his colleagues at the school and as we listened to music we knew he would love. The Ashoken Farewell was particularly moving and The Lion Sleeps tonight was peppy and joyful and I couldn’t help but thinking how much Bob would have enjoyed that. For me, though, the best moment was during a medley from The Lion King. As the Advanced Concert Band played a melodious version of Can You Feel The Love Tonight I truly could feel it. I could feel the love for Bob from all of us and I could feel his love for us, too. It was bittersweet and sad but comforting in the way that only beautiful music and wonderful memories can be.

If I’m being perfectly honest I will tell you that I had zero desire to go to this concert and the only reason I did go was because Hannah insisted. I thought it would be sad and difficult and emotionally exhausting. And I was right – it was all of those things. But it was also much more. It was joyful and comforting. There was solace in the music that was played in Bob’s memory and in sharing stories about Bob as we dined with Tina and her sister after the concert. And there were those moments where I knew for sure that Bob’s spirit was with us – I felt him there as surely as I felt Dale on one side of me and Hannah on the other. It was one of those moments of grace that you long for but you can’t make happen, you just have to wait for it and know that you will feel it when it does.

In other words – I’m glad I went. I’m glad because Tuesday’s concert brought joy and consolation to replace the loss and despair of Sunday’s show. I’m glad because I realized that Bob has not and will not be forgotten. Finally, I’m glad because I’m reminded, once again, that while grief is horrible, it’s the price we pay for loving deeply.

And choosing to love someone is always always always worth the price.

Related posts:

Default ThumbnailThree On Thursday Default ThumbnailRemembering Bob Default ThumbnailTuesday Tunes Default ThumbnailThings That Make Me Go Hmmm
« Bluebird of Happiness Despite the Weather
Eye Candy Friday »

Filed Under: That's Life

Comments

  1. Jo-Ann says

    April 7, 2016 at 6:52 am

    Another wonderful tribute to a truly amazing man.

  2. patty says

    April 7, 2016 at 6:53 am

    Beautifully said Carole. I’m sure Bob could feel all the love in that room too. XO

  3. Robby says

    April 7, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Every death hits us differently. Each relationship is different and we are different people at each of those times. It sounds like you got a chance to be reminded again of what a great friend you lost through a medium you both enjoyed deeply. Hard, but good, like many of the best things in life.

  4. Michael Herbert says

    April 7, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Carole,
    I am sitting here in Texas visiting friends reading your beautiful article. The tears are flowing down my cheeks. I have blurry eyes.
    I was so bummed that I missed Bob.s concert because of our planned trip to Texas. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words that express my feelings also. Yes, Bob will never be forgotten. My girls like Hannah knew Uncle Bob their entire lives. I told Tina last month that I talk to him every night before I go to sleep. God bless as you as our angel is looking down on us all the time.

  5. Kym says

    April 7, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Grief is so hard. Oh, Carole. Sending extra love – and virtual hugs – your way, especially today. XO

  6. Laurie C says

    April 7, 2016 at 8:16 am

    I can’t believe it’s already been six months. The school concert sounded perfect when I read about it in the newspaper and now again in your post. I just finished reading Being Mortal and am thinking about how the ending of Bob’s life was at home surrounded by family, and about how hard it is to make the best of a terrible, tragic situation, but he and his family and friends did it in his final months and continue to do it in his memory.

  7. claudia says

    April 7, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Nicely written. Take care.

  8. Bonny says

    April 7, 2016 at 9:14 am

    I wish that I had words to ease the ongoing grief, but my words are distinctly lacking. So, please know I’m sending thoughts, prayers, and hugs.

  9. Marcy says

    April 7, 2016 at 10:56 am

    So eloquently said. I am sad for you and all Bob’s loved ones but you are so right in your last line. To have loved someone that deeply is always worth it. My heart is with you.

  10. AsKatKnits says

    April 7, 2016 at 10:56 am

    Thank you for sharing so personal a post about a man I, sadly, did not know at all. I am thinking about you and Dale today and sending you love and hugs. I am glad you listened to Hannah – so very glad.

  11. Manise says

    April 7, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    Beautifully written. Thinking of you.

  12. Martha says

    April 7, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    That was beautiful. Thank you for writing it–it must have been hard to write.

  13. Vicki says

    April 7, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    That was beautiful, Carole. Hugs to you all.

  14. Doris says

    April 7, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    That was beautifully written. Thanks for sharing it.

  15. Jo says

    April 7, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    You expressed the dual nature of grieving so eloquently. It is a bittersweet mixture of sorrow and loving memories. May you cherish and find hope and strength in those memories.

  16. Kim says

    April 7, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    Such a beautiful post about love, friendship and grieve. The sadness always lingers, but somehow time helps to soften it a little bit. Love you!

  17. Kim says

    April 7, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    Grief…aggh

  18. margene says

    April 8, 2016 at 2:41 pm

    My eyes are so full of tears I could hardly get to the end of your post. You have the incredible gift of giving voice to grief. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, difficult, yet full of grace, feelings with us.

  19. Mary says

    April 11, 2016 at 6:45 am

    what a beautiful post, Carole. I think of grief like the seasons and it’s wonderful to hear about bits of new life springing from the sadness…just like spring.

  20. Lydia says

    April 11, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Your post gave me pause, PJ has been gone almost 5 months, and was such a music lover. He loved to play and sing, even as a little boy, and when I remember those times it brings on the tears. I have on my to do list to download some of his videos from YouTube but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. When the French Dept at Ga Southern planned a small remembrance for him in February they played one of his videos where he sang in French, it was so difficult hearing his voice. I’m hoping I get to a point where it is less painful. What would have been his 23rd birthday is just a few weeks away, and I’m not sure how that day will go. Especially since my 25th anniversary will be 2 days later. I do know that others help us with our grief, and I thank you for sharing yours so openly.

Archives

carole AT caroleknits DOT net
my read shelf:
Carole's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

2020 Reading Challenge

2020 Reading Challenge
Carole has read 5 books toward her goal of 75 books.
hide
5 of 75 (6%)
view books

carolejuliusphoto

Aerogarden is doing it’s thing, I’m hoping for Aerogarden is doing it’s thing, I’m hoping for an herb harvest soon! #the100dayproject #100daysofiphonephotos #aerogarden #growingherbsindoors #dill #parsley
I didn’t order groceries today so our snacks are I didn’t order groceries today so our snacks are from the larder, summer sausage, Swiss cheese, some crackers and hardboiled eggs. Even without the fancy snacks I’m still celebrating that the weekend is here! Happy FriYay! #fridaynightsnacks #happyfriyay #martinitime #cocktailhourathome #cheeseandcrackers
Ms. Pajama Party amaryllis is definitely having he Ms. Pajama Party amaryllis is definitely having her moment. #amaryllis #pajamapartyamaryllis #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject
Has it really been a week since I posted here? Who Has it really been a week since I posted here? Whoops! Let’s catch up! I’ll start by sharing this photo of my Pajama Party amaryllis, she’s in bloom right now and she’s a stunner. #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #pajamapartyamaryllis #amaryllis #winterblooms #whiteflowerfarm
Pictured here: 8 of the 48 cream puffs I made for Pictured here: 8 of the 48 cream puffs I made for Valentine’s Day for my family. One batch was a bust, pretty sure that was my mother-in-law saying hello from heaven (she always said one batch always fails) but the others were some of the best I’ve ever made. You may say Happy Valentine’s Day but around here it’s Cream Puff Day! #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #creampuffs #creampuffday #familytradition #homemadeisbest #whippedcreamfordays #thanksruthie
Sushi for Valentine’s Day! #100daysofiphonephot Sushi for Valentine’s Day!  #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #sushidinner #tatamieastbridgewaterma #welovesushi #takeoutforthewin #supportyourlocalrestaurants #eastbridgewaterma #valentinesdaydinnerathome
I love this little face! #100daysofiphonephotos #t I love this little face! #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #attaboyjack #nanalife #fridayswithjackie #lookslikehismama
Jackie teaching his Grampa how to use the iPad! #1 Jackie teaching his Grampa how to use the iPad! #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #attaboyjack #nanalife #grampalife #whosteachingwho
Sunrise and snowy trees. #100daysofiphonephotos #t Sunrise and snowy trees. #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #snowysunrise #inmybackyard #winterinnewengland
Cold and snowy outside, warm and cozy inside, make Cold and snowy outside, warm and cozy inside, makes for a perfect Sunday afternoon. #snowdaysunday #warmandcozy #wintertrees #twinklelights #mycozyhome #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #rustyandingrid
Favorite spot to spend an afternoon reading. #the1 Favorite spot to spend an afternoon reading. #the100dayproject #100daysofiphonephotos #readingspot #mycozyhome
An old favorite this Friday, triscuits with melted An old favorite this Friday, triscuits with melted cheese and green pepper. It’s the first snack Dale ever made for me, almost 25 years ago now. #fridaynightsnacks #martinitime🍸 #helloweekend #triscuitsandcheese #thosenapkinsthough #cocktailhourathome
Sailors, take warning. #the100dayproject #100dayso Sailors, take warning. #the100dayproject #100daysofiphonephotos #februarysunrise #sailorstakewarning #redskyatmorning #outmybackdoor
Silly faces are all Nana gets these days! #100days Silly faces are all Nana gets these days! #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #attaboyjack #nanalife
It makes my heart happy to know that my father-in- It makes my heart happy to know that my father-in-law got his second COVID vaccine at the VA today! I guess from his reading material he’s now making plans to cruise America! #covidvacccinedone☑️
This Velvet Nymph amaryllis was definitely worth w This Velvet Nymph amaryllis was definitely worth waiting for, she’s stunning. #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #amaryllis #velvetnymph #whiteflowerfarm
A snowy day calls for my favorite boots, I’ve ha A snowy day calls for my favorite boots, I’ve had these since 1988 and they are still going strong. #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #snowday #llbeanboots #llbeanhuntingshoes
I’ve been baking sourdough bread for 10 months n I’ve been baking sourdough bread for 10 months now and I think I’m finally getting close to how I want the scoring to look. This loaf took about 24 hours from start to finish, it was sluggish at first so I waited patiently and adjusted my timeline. It rested in the banneton on the kitchen windowsill overnight and I baked it when I got up this morning. Oven spring was impressive, it’s got a good ear and a nice open crumb. It tastes good, too! #sourdoughbread #sourdoughbaking #lookatthatear #nicecrumb #ovenspring #homemadeisbest #breadforbreakfast #morningbaking #the100dayproject #100daysofiphonephotos
I’m so very grateful for @iamicaniwillido and he I’m so very grateful for @iamicaniwillido and her rides. She empowers me and pushes me and inspires me to work harder than I think I can every damn time. I am. I can. I will. I do. #iamicaniwillido #pelotoncycling #iamanathlete #findthejoy #opentochange #icompeteagainstmyself #strongereveryride
The100DayProject starts on 1/31/2021 and I am join The100DayProject starts on 1/31/2021 and I am joining for the first time. I will be doing #100daysofiphonephotos as it seems like a great way to learn to use the fancy pants camera on my new iPhone 12. #the100dayproject
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Birthdays Bloggers Books Charity Knitting Contests Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday Memes Monday On My Mind Movies One Little Word Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Read With Us Reenacting Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Show & Tell Sock Knitting Spinning Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

Copyright 2014 Carole Knits · Log in