Three On Thursday
I’m a long time listener of the podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin as well as Happier in Hollywood with Liz Craft (Gretchen’s sister) and Sara Fain. As you can probably tell, both of these podcasts promote being happier and I’m a big proponent of that, too. Today I’m sharing 3 things I am doing right now to make myself happier.
- The first is one I actually got from the podcast and that is to do something that will make my future self happier. That may sound strange but it’s actually pretty simple when you think of it. It’s really just a trick to prevent procrastination but I use it a lot. Sometimes it’s a simple as getting gas on the way home from work instead of putting it off until the morning and sometimes it’s more complex like doing a report I don’t feel like doing on a Wednesday afternoon so that I won’t wake up in the night thinking about how I have to get that damn report done. (Yes. That’s what I did yesterday.) And really, this can be applied to so many things! Do I necessarily feel like making a pot of soup on a Sunday afternoon? Nope. But will I be making my Wednesday self happy because lunch will be in the fridge and I won’t have to get expensive and not so great take out? Absolutely. I bet as you’re reading this you can think of something you can do today that your future self will thank you for.
- I just recently started keeping a gratitude journal. This is something I have struggled with in the past but this new routine I have of just writing down 5 things while I wait for my coffee to brew is really working for me. It’s fast and easy and it starts my day on a truly positive note. I tend to think of things that happened the previous day and I’ve even caught myself thinking throughout the day about whether something is worthy of putting in the gratitude journal the next morning. Sometimes I feel like I’m just writing down my 5 favorite things about the previous day but I’m working on that and trying to notice whether I’m feeling grateful about something or whether I’m just glad something happened. And honestly, maybe that distinction doesn’t even matter. The point is that writing about things I’m grateful for is making me happier.
- This one might seem counterintuitive but the third thing I’m doing to make myself happier is just not worrying about whether I’m feeling happy or not. I mean, I’m a generally happy person and I operate on an even keel most of the time. I’ve found myself in a funk now and again recently, though, and my initial reaction was to analyze my feelings and figure out why I felt off/upset/edgy. I wondered if it was something with the moon cycle or hormones or my life coaching work. And then a friend, a very wise friend, said to me, don’t worry so much about why you feel this way. Think about how you are feeling and then lean in to those feelings. Really? Lean in? Lean in to the sadness and upset? That seemed so weird to me but I trust this person so I did it. I let myself feel my feelings, I literally pictured myself leaning forward into a sort of blue cloud, and guess what? I started to feel better. I didn’t need to analyze anything, I didn’t need to ignore the feelings or stifle the feelings or discuss the feelings, I just needed to feel the freaking feelings. It helped. A lot. And I’m sort of amazed.
Can you think of something you can do right now to make yourself happier? I bet you can.
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I read The Happiness Project when it first came out about 10 years ago, and I can say that the whole “Future Self” thing really changed my life. At my house, we often talk about “Future Kym” and “Future Tom” and how happy they’ll be . . . because of whatever choice we’ve made on their behalf that day. I don’t know if it’s made us “happier” — but it sure does help us keep the future in mind when we’re making decisions today!
(I have mixed feelings on Gretchen Rubin and her approach to “happiness.” While I think she offers a lot of helpful life tips, I think her approach to “happiness” is a bit regimented and not for everyone. And she is a such a self-promoter . . . kind of makes me gag.) (Want me to tell you what I really think?)
Thank you for this post. I struggle with happiness (and depression) and you gave me a lot to think about.
Caring for future me is a very good idea. I’m going to try and remember that one!
I’ve been thinking about getting back to gratitudes, but I still haven’t. Reading your post makes me think I should start right now.
The third one really struck hard. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It’s really difficult to just accept that I can’t feel happy all the time and not try to analyze why exactly I’m feeling like this. Leaning in… I’ll try.
I feel a bit like Kym about Gretchen Rubin but it makes me happy that I can get that info by reading your blog! These are three wonderful and helpful things in themselves and if they happen to make me happier, that’s a nice by-product. I took the trash out last night because I knew I wouldn’t want to do it at 6 am this morning, and I think “future me” thinking will really help with my procrastination.
I read a great book called The Antidote by Olivia Burkeman and his premise was that the more we chase happiness, the harder it is to achieve. I agree, and just feeling the feelings really does work! Happiness doesn’t have to be about feeling gleeful and giddy all the time.
I’m in Bonny & Kym’s GR camp–but I really enjoy hearing the same perspective from you, Carole! I think I was more okay with her until I started listening to her–and her spoken tone, combined with her written tone, is tough for me to get around. It feels, like Kym said, so regimented. My feeling is that her happiness efforts seem to lack JOY!! Kinda funny. Love how you’ve skimmed the cream from the top, though, and have really made it work for you. I feel that way about her earliest work and feel I still benefit from those early reads. My gift to my Future Self is leaving my house as clean as I can when we leave town, whether for a weekend or a summer, because it’s SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT to come home to. Even if it means being the last one up in the house, way too late before an early departure, I know I’ll appreciate it. Thanks for the great post!
Good post Carole! I agree with Kym & Bonny – I can’t get into Gretchen Rubin AT ALL, but I’ve enjoyed your 3 things. I have tried to keep a gratitude journal, but *having* to write things down just annoys me, but thinking of them throughout the day works. Your 3rd point is so good! Life is life and you will not be giddy-happy 24/7. Best to know and accept that and get on with life. I’m also another one who cleans the house before we leave town – always a pleasure to come home to a clean abode!
It seems that I am not alone in finding GR hard to take – and Carolyn is right that for me she entirely lacks JOY! But, I am in agreement with you that often our state of mind can direct how we feel. There is absolutely something to be said for the “power of positive thinking”!! And, I find that happy thoughts are contagious! I love your gratitude routine and have been contemplating how to incorporate that into my day. But, my favorite thing of all is your final thing… THIS!! I don’t do that enough… or perhaps I should say that I rarely do that – but I should!
I forgot about that future self idea – a reminder I needed to hear this morning – thanks
Oh taking care of future self is so beneficial. I wonder why I don’t do more of it! (Even as simple as emptying the dishwasher in the a.m. – done upon arrival in the p.m.!) Like you I’m pretty happy but when the grumps come I try to just acknowledge them…be crabby for a period of time and then move along. Thanks for this great post Carole!
In therapy, I learned the “lean in to the emotions” strategy (well, something similar) and it was a real game-changer for me.
Love the idea of doing something every day to make your future self happier.
I don’t have any direct experience with GR, though I’m familiar with her name. I think if her approach works for you, then that’s great. Your last point really struck me, especially as someone who has a history of depression and anxiety. Sometimes it isn’t always productive to try to figure out why you’re feeling something; sometimes all it takes is to acknowledge that you’re feeling it.
I like the idea of making our future selves happy. Sometimes my best strategy for procrastination is just to get started instead of thinking up reasons not to get started. Different strategies are going to work differently for all of us. Keep smiling.