Carole Knits

october zinnia
october zinnia
martinis with a view
martinis with a view
gettysburg fence for
gettysburg fence for
germinate shawl on rocks
germinate shawl on rocks
field of flags 2
field of flags 2
color affection with edge
color affection with edge
cedar leaf shawlette 2
cedar leaf shawlette 2
3_27_2014
3_27_2014
3_18_13
3_18_13
2_24_2014
2_24_2014
1_11_13
1_11_13
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Arthritis Ask Me Anything Birthdays Bloggers Books Buy More Yarn Charity Knitting Circular Sock Machine Contests Crochet Dyeing Epic Sock Blanket Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Joyful Wednesday Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday March Money Madness Memes Mittens Monday On My Mind Movies Museum of Me Mutterings My Backyard NaBloPoMo One Little Word Patterns Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Ravelry Read With Us Reenacting Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Sewing Show & Tell Sock Knitting Spinning Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on the Tenth Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

  • Home
  • Carole Julius Photography
You are here: Home / That's Life / Randy’s Story

Randy’s Story

December 15, 2019 By Carole

Friends. On Friday my story, and the story of my family, was altered in a devastating and crushing way. My brother-in-law Randy took his own life. To say that Dale and I are bereft is not enough. To say that we are hurt and confused is inadequate. At this moment in time our anguish knows no limits.

Dale and I were on our way to a Christmas party when Dale’s cell phone rang and he missed the call. It was Mary, Randy’s wife, and Dale handed the phone to me and asked me to call her back since he was driving. She was crying when she answered and said she needed us and then told me what had happened. And then I had to tell my beloved husband, the person I love most in the world, that his brother was dead. Following that I was also the one who told Jessica and Hannah and then Dale’s sister Lisa. To deliver that news, to say those words, and know that when I did I would be inflicting horrible pain on the people I love, broke me into a million pieces.

Since then I have been trying to understand how Randy got to this point. And I just can’t get there. A friend told me Saturday that it’s a gift that suicide is a struggle I don’t know and something I can’t understand. I know she’s right but my heart still wants to comprehend what caused Randy to lose all hope. He had been dealing with anxiety and some serious health issues due to tick borne illnesses for a while but I never once thought that he was depressed or that he might consider his struggles something he couldn’t overcome with time, health care, and the love and support of his wife, family and friends. To face the fact that he was overwhelmed with pain and didn’t share that with those closest to him is unbelievably grim.

Randy was a gifted writer, a talented artist, an accomplished musician, and an avid outdoorsman. He was wise and wonderful and taught me so much about hunting and fishing, birds and nature, simple living and finding joy in the smallest moments. I can hear his laugh and see him grinning when he told a funny story or scared my kids with stories of the woozle that lived in the walls of his house. He was the head of this family in so many ways and I know we’ve only just begun to comprehend the gigantic hole created by his death.

We spent the weekend together as a family, sharing stories and tears, being comforted by the presence of very close friends who brought food and flowers and consoled us as best they could. I talked with Mary yesterday about sharing Randy’s story and she was very clear that people need to know the truth about Randy’s death. We need to talk about mental health issues. We need to know the warning signs and watch for them. Believe me when I tell you that if this could happen in my family then it could happen in any family.

For those of you who have been inquiring, a memorial service will be planned for a later time.

Randy told me once that I was a good writer. It’s a compliment that meant so very much to me at the time and I’m grateful for that memory. I wish he could read these words and know how important, special, and loved he really was.

Related posts:

Default ThumbnailMerry Christmas Default ThumbnailThe Cream Puff Story Default ThumbnailThe Rest of the Random Story Default ThumbnailAn Inspirational Story
« Eye Candy Friday
As We Move Forward . . . »

Filed Under: That's Life

Comments

  1. Mark macleod says

    December 17, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Dale, I’m very sorry for your family’s
    Loss I pray for you and your family!

  2. Maureen Lee says

    December 17, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Carole,

    My heart breaks for your family. Randy and Dale were so kind to my son Peter and his friends as they started their band. They both took the time to get to know them and spend time with them, along with words of encouragement. I will always treasure the memories of the 2 bands playing together, especially the night they played at EBHS. I hope your memories bring you comfort. We are sending you our thoughts and prayers.

  3. Karen Chuilli Hamilton says

    December 17, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    Your loss in Randy’s death is unfathomable. I am so sad for you, Dale, and your whole family. Love, Karen Chuilli Hamilton

  4. Karen Chuilli Hamilton says

    December 17, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    Carole, although I do not know you, I want to thank you for your transparency in writing about Randy and his suffering. I pray that you might be helped by writing and that another might be helped by reading. Iam sorry. Karen Chuilli Hamilton

  5. Carolyn says

    December 18, 2019 at 9:47 am

    Carole, your post made everything around me stop turning. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you and your family. As our community reels from suicide this season, I will keep you and yours in my heart, as well. Breaking the silence is imperative…taking mental health out of the closet, so to speak, is a job for all of us. (No need to respond to this comment. Thinking of you.)

  6. Jeannie Gray says

    December 19, 2019 at 12:48 am

    Oh Carole, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. I’ve had several friends who’ve taken their own lives and there’s something more tragic, more difficult to comprehend about it. And no, I’m not wording this well but… Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you great big virtual hugs.

  7. Mary R says

    December 19, 2019 at 6:27 am

    Oh Carole, I am so sorry to hear about Randy. Words are somehow never enough, but know that you and Dale and your family are in my prayers.

  8. Pat McGinn says

    December 19, 2019 at 9:36 am

    I am so sorry for your tragic loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Cindy Goldman Janes says

    December 20, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    Carole, I don’t know you but I do know many of your friends and family members. I have had chronic pain for a long time and have been on the verge of ending my life. When someone has led a vibrant, robust life such as Randy, sometimes the loss of physicality is just too much. He was a very special person and immensely talented. I hope that this is the legacy you can hold onto and cherish and not how he chose to leave. Let the love of your family and friends comfort you. I truly am sorry for your pain.

  10. Jason Needham says

    December 22, 2019 at 11:17 am

    I met Randy and Mary while on a sea duck hunting trip to the cape to finish up my North American duck species slam. It was very cold and January 1st 2017, My friends and I were at Woods Seafood grabbing us something eat. Randy knew we had been hunting and automatically struck up a conversation. We talked for well over an hour sharing stories and our hobbies. My shotgun had broken that morning and I had 2 more days left, so I asked Randy if he knew anywhere I could take my gun for repair. He informed nothing was close and everything would be closed for the new year. Before we parted ways he told me he had a shotgun I could borrow , I could not begin to believe that a guy I had met for only an hour was going to lend me his gun. He was just that kind of guy, when I went to his cabin to pick the gun up he welcomed me like we had known each other our entire lives. I was in heaven seeing his rustic cabin, his drawings and decoys. It was an adrenaline rush and I felt like I had met a celebrity. I could not wait to share my story with friends and family and I have many times. We talked on the phone several times and I had hoped to one day to take a vacation with my family and visit with Randy and Mary once again. I’m very saddened for Randy and his family, he was a stand up guy and helped me out in a big way! Rest In Peace my friend.

  11. Lisa Hilton says

    December 24, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    My heart is with you right now. Saying many prayers for your family. Lyme is just painful, in life and in death. And my heart goes out to all of you who loved Randy. May God find a way in his heart to end this whole mess. Please let me know if you’d like Randy remembered in the Lyme Memorial.

  12. Julie Johnson says

    December 24, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Carole (and family) I’m so very sorry for your loss. No one can understand why someone who has chronic invisible illnesses would commit suicide except another person with a chronic invisible illness. I know it doesn’t help your pain, but this is fairly common. I just recently nursed my mother through a very ugly death due to Lyme and other tick-borne diseases and complications. I can assure you that I will not go through that kind of death willingly. But worse than that, dealing every day with the millions of aches, pains, and losses we suffer cause us to lose all hope eventually. You can’t imagine what it feels like to go from being a vibrant, talented, active, independent person, to having your brain turn to mush to the point that you literally have to have someone else speak for you. You can’t imagine what it cost my mother the first time her adult daughter had to put a diaper on her because her body functions began shutting down. I am 58 years old. I used to be a bodybuilder. I had a great job. Now I can’t make it through the grocery store without passing out. I’m so sorry you and your family don’t understand what made your loved one do this, but I, and literally millions of others, do. We hurt for you, and with you.

  13. Sandy Johnson says

    December 24, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    I am a retired medical personnel from OK. I was an RN for 22 years and a physiatrist assistant forgot 11 years.you said u couldn’t understand why your loved one committed suicide. From working with Lyme disease on many occasions, it does cause inflammation and for lack of a better word short circuits the brain. I’ve seen many people who have total changes in their mood and cognitive abilities. Unfortunately. Tick born illnesses are after passed off as just a virus,chronic fatigue, depression, or even fibromyalgia. It is imperative that people check themselves for ticks and report any bites to the doctor so Lyme tigers and Rocky Mountain Spotted fever tests can be tested early in the disease. Rapid and prompt treatment with IV antibiotics can be administered daily for a period of 2-4 weeks daily. This can be done in a doctor’s office or as an outpatient in emergency room or even home health care. Early detection is a must to prevent long term debilitating symptoms. Be proactive for yourself and educate others. Suicide seems to happen a lot more when people suffer these long term effects and in people who have led very active lives as your families loved one did. May this note help u and you’re family to better understand why this tragedy happened. Love and prayers, in Jesus name Amen

  14. Lori Jean says

    December 25, 2019 at 10:27 am

    I’m so sorry, may he Rest In Peace and fly with Angels! Lyme is so painful. Sending love and comfort to everyone! ??

  15. John sorenson says

    December 25, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    God bless to all that’s been touched in this family by this ugly unforgivable disease I have lived with it for 21/2 years and it’s been a journey for everyone around me It’s not a easy road and a very lonely one to travel stay strong and understand it’s not a weakness it’s a illness

  16. kmkat says

    December 27, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    Oh, Carole, my heart hurts for you and Dale and your family. Hold each other close.

« Older Comments

Archives

carole AT caroleknits DOT net
my read shelf:
Carole's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

2021 Reading Challenge

2021 Reading Challenge
Carole has read 15 books toward her goal of 75 books.
hide
15 of 75 (20%)
view books

carolejuliusphoto

It’s wonderful to be home, reunited with the cat It’s wonderful to be home, reunited with the cats and all of our own stuff, but I miss this morning wake up call from the sun. #baysidemaine #sunrise #coastofmaine #mainesunrise #sunriseovertheocean #thewaylifeshouldbe #morningview
It’s been another exceptional week on the coast It’s been another exceptional week on the coast of Maine. I feel more myself here than anywhere, listening to the sound of the ocean, inhaling the salt air, and feeling the gentle sea breezes. This week means everything to me and I’m so grateful for the privilege of spending time here. #baysidemaine #fridaynightsnacks #cheeseandcrackers #rechargebytheocean #coastofmaine #thewaylifeshouldbe
Watching Gaslit with a view. It’s another beauti Watching Gaslit with a view. It’s another beautiful night in Bayside. #baysidemaine #gaslitstarz #alaptopwithaview #porchsitting #coastofmaine
A donut the size of my hand! This one is called Th A donut the size of my hand! This one is called The Homer 🤣 @theonlydoughnut.belfast #theonlydoughnut #belfastmaine #thewaylifeshouldbe #donutsforbreakfast
I can’t get enough of this view. #baysidemaine # I can’t get enough of this view. #baysidemaine #thewaylifeshouldbe #maine #theviewfromhere
Friday night snacks look better from here. And als Friday night snacks look better from here. And also, I’m not oblivious to today’s news, I’m devastated. I’m also extra grateful to (a) live in Massachusetts and (b) be privileged enough to ignore it for right now while on vacation. #fridaynightsnacks #martinitime #baysidemaine #cheeseandcrackers #myhappyplace
Pizza night. What can I say? Wednesday is the new Pizza night. What can I say? Wednesday is the new Friday. #oonipizzaoven @ooni.it #pizzanight #outdoorliving #margaritapizza #imadeitmyself #homemadeisbest
Happy FriYay, friends! #fridaynightsnacks #friyayn Happy FriYay, friends! #fridaynightsnacks #friyaynight #helloweekend #martinitime #cheeseandcrackers #charcuterie #outdoorliving
Happy Sunday from Fred and George! #sundaymorningv Happy Sunday from Fred and George! #sundaymorningvibes #siamesecatsofinstagram #siamesecats #fredandgeorge
Friday night is pizza night these days. And those Friday night is pizza night these days. And those napkins? They sum up the secret to our 25 (next Tuesday!) year marriage! #oonipizzaoven #fridaynightsnacks #peaceloveandcocktails
It’s a perfect June morning for Sunday brunch un It’s a perfect June morning for Sunday brunch under the pergola. #sundaybrunch #brunchalfresco #pergolaliving #outdoorliving #inmybackyard #juneismyfavoritemonth
My patriotism is sorely lacking at the moment. Sti My patriotism is sorely lacking at the moment. Still, I’m grateful to head into Memorial Day weekend focusing on the good, remembering those who gave the ultimate sacrifice while serving our country, seeking common ground and (always) looking for hope. If all that fails, at least I’ve got a martini. And snacks. #fridaynightsnacks #memorialdayweekend2022 #cheeseandcrackers #martinitime
I love a hotel conference room with a view! #massl I love a hotel conference room with a view! #masslib2022 #libraryconference #aroomwithaview
Flower haul, day 2. #flowersaremagical #containerg Flower haul, day 2. #flowersaremagical #containergardening #timetoplant #givemealltheplants
It was a good day for plant shopping, my annual tr It was a good day for plant shopping, my annual tradition with my gardening bestie @doemack87 . I think we even left some plants behind … maybe. 🤣 #plantshopping #containergardening #plantsgalore #flowersaremagical
Pizza perfection tonight! Margherita for me and pe Pizza perfection tonight! Margherita for me and pepperoni for him. I’m loving our @oonihq pizza oven. #oonipizzaoven #ooni #margheritapizza #pepperonipizza #homemadeisbest #imadeitmyself #summernights
Fred has assured me that there is no pea under tha Fred has assured me that there is no pea under that pile of quilts. #fredandgeorge #siamesecatsofinstagram #siamesecat #princessandthepea #pileofquilts
First al fresco breakfast of the season, air fryer First al fresco breakfast of the season, air fryer hash browns with avocado and crispy fried eggs. Delicious! And so nice to enjoy under the pergola. #breakfastalfresco #inmybackyard #airfryerhashbrown
Fridays on the deck are the best Fridays of all. # Fridays on the deck are the best Fridays of all. #fridaynightsnacks #martinitime #cheeseandcrackers #happyhourathome #itsspringbutfeelslikesummer
Ranunculus season is short, gotta enjoy these beau Ranunculus season is short, gotta enjoy these beauties while we can. #ranunculus #flowersaremagical #springblooms #crossstreetflowerfarm
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Birthdays Bloggers Books Charity Knitting Contests Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday Memes Monday On My Mind Movies One Little Word Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Read With Us Reenacting Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Show & Tell Sock Knitting Spinning Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

Copyright 2014 Carole Knits · Log in