Carole Knits

october zinnia
october zinnia
martinis with a view
martinis with a view
gettysburg fence for
gettysburg fence for
germinate shawl on rocks
germinate shawl on rocks
field of flags 2
field of flags 2
color affection with edge
color affection with edge
cedar leaf shawlette 2
cedar leaf shawlette 2
3_27_2014
3_27_2014
3_18_13
3_18_13
2_24_2014
2_24_2014
1_11_13
1_11_13
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
  • Home
  • Carole Julius Photography

Randy’s Story

December 15, 2019 By Carole

Friends. On Friday my story, and the story of my family, was altered in a devastating and crushing way. My brother-in-law Randy took his own life. To say that Dale and I are bereft is not enough. To say that we are hurt and confused is inadequate. At this moment in time our anguish knows no limits.

Dale and I were on our way to a Christmas party when Dale’s cell phone rang and he missed the call. It was Mary, Randy’s wife, and Dale handed the phone to me and asked me to call her back since he was driving. She was crying when she answered and said she needed us and then told me what had happened. And then I had to tell my beloved husband, the person I love most in the world, that his brother was dead. Following that I was also the one who told Jessica and Hannah and then Dale’s sister Lisa. To deliver that news, to say those words, and know that when I did I would be inflicting horrible pain on the people I love, broke me into a million pieces.

Since then I have been trying to understand how Randy got to this point. And I just can’t get there. A friend told me Saturday that it’s a gift that suicide is a struggle I don’t know and something I can’t understand. I know she’s right but my heart still wants to comprehend what caused Randy to lose all hope. He had been dealing with anxiety and some serious health issues due to tick borne illnesses for a while but I never once thought that he was depressed or that he might consider his struggles something he couldn’t overcome with time, health care, and the love and support of his wife, family and friends. To face the fact that he was overwhelmed with pain and didn’t share that with those closest to him is unbelievably grim.

Randy was a gifted writer, a talented artist, an accomplished musician, and an avid outdoorsman. He was wise and wonderful and taught me so much about hunting and fishing, birds and nature, simple living and finding joy in the smallest moments. I can hear his laugh and see him grinning when he told a funny story or scared my kids with stories of the woozle that lived in the walls of his house. He was the head of this family in so many ways and I know we’ve only just begun to comprehend the gigantic hole created by his death.

We spent the weekend together as a family, sharing stories and tears, being comforted by the presence of very close friends who brought food and flowers and consoled us as best they could. I talked with Mary yesterday about sharing Randy’s story and she was very clear that people need to know the truth about Randy’s death. We need to talk about mental health issues. We need to know the warning signs and watch for them. Believe me when I tell you that if this could happen in my family then it could happen in any family.

For those of you who have been inquiring, a memorial service will be planned for a later time.

Randy told me once that I was a good writer. It’s a compliment that meant so very much to me at the time and I’m grateful for that memory. I wish he could read these words and know how important, special, and loved he really was.

Related posts:

Default ThumbnailMerry Christmas Default ThumbnailThe Cream Puff Story Default ThumbnailThe Rest of the Random Story Default ThumbnailAn Inspirational Story
« Eye Candy Friday
As We Move Forward . . . »

Filed Under: That's Life

Comments

  1. Mark macleod says

    December 17, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Dale, I’m very sorry for your family’s
    Loss I pray for you and your family!

  2. Maureen Lee says

    December 17, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Carole,

    My heart breaks for your family. Randy and Dale were so kind to my son Peter and his friends as they started their band. They both took the time to get to know them and spend time with them, along with words of encouragement. I will always treasure the memories of the 2 bands playing together, especially the night they played at EBHS. I hope your memories bring you comfort. We are sending you our thoughts and prayers.

  3. Karen Chuilli Hamilton says

    December 17, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    Your loss in Randy’s death is unfathomable. I am so sad for you, Dale, and your whole family. Love, Karen Chuilli Hamilton

  4. Karen Chuilli Hamilton says

    December 17, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    Carole, although I do not know you, I want to thank you for your transparency in writing about Randy and his suffering. I pray that you might be helped by writing and that another might be helped by reading. Iam sorry. Karen Chuilli Hamilton

  5. Carolyn says

    December 18, 2019 at 9:47 am

    Carole, your post made everything around me stop turning. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you and your family. As our community reels from suicide this season, I will keep you and yours in my heart, as well. Breaking the silence is imperative…taking mental health out of the closet, so to speak, is a job for all of us. (No need to respond to this comment. Thinking of you.)

  6. Jeannie Gray says

    December 19, 2019 at 12:48 am

    Oh Carole, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. I’ve had several friends who’ve taken their own lives and there’s something more tragic, more difficult to comprehend about it. And no, I’m not wording this well but… Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you great big virtual hugs.

  7. Mary R says

    December 19, 2019 at 6:27 am

    Oh Carole, I am so sorry to hear about Randy. Words are somehow never enough, but know that you and Dale and your family are in my prayers.

  8. Pat McGinn says

    December 19, 2019 at 9:36 am

    I am so sorry for your tragic loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Cindy Goldman Janes says

    December 20, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    Carole, I don’t know you but I do know many of your friends and family members. I have had chronic pain for a long time and have been on the verge of ending my life. When someone has led a vibrant, robust life such as Randy, sometimes the loss of physicality is just too much. He was a very special person and immensely talented. I hope that this is the legacy you can hold onto and cherish and not how he chose to leave. Let the love of your family and friends comfort you. I truly am sorry for your pain.

  10. Jason Needham says

    December 22, 2019 at 11:17 am

    I met Randy and Mary while on a sea duck hunting trip to the cape to finish up my North American duck species slam. It was very cold and January 1st 2017, My friends and I were at Woods Seafood grabbing us something eat. Randy knew we had been hunting and automatically struck up a conversation. We talked for well over an hour sharing stories and our hobbies. My shotgun had broken that morning and I had 2 more days left, so I asked Randy if he knew anywhere I could take my gun for repair. He informed nothing was close and everything would be closed for the new year. Before we parted ways he told me he had a shotgun I could borrow , I could not begin to believe that a guy I had met for only an hour was going to lend me his gun. He was just that kind of guy, when I went to his cabin to pick the gun up he welcomed me like we had known each other our entire lives. I was in heaven seeing his rustic cabin, his drawings and decoys. It was an adrenaline rush and I felt like I had met a celebrity. I could not wait to share my story with friends and family and I have many times. We talked on the phone several times and I had hoped to one day to take a vacation with my family and visit with Randy and Mary once again. I’m very saddened for Randy and his family, he was a stand up guy and helped me out in a big way! Rest In Peace my friend.

  11. Lisa Hilton says

    December 24, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    My heart is with you right now. Saying many prayers for your family. Lyme is just painful, in life and in death. And my heart goes out to all of you who loved Randy. May God find a way in his heart to end this whole mess. Please let me know if you’d like Randy remembered in the Lyme Memorial.

  12. Julie Johnson says

    December 24, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Carole (and family) I’m so very sorry for your loss. No one can understand why someone who has chronic invisible illnesses would commit suicide except another person with a chronic invisible illness. I know it doesn’t help your pain, but this is fairly common. I just recently nursed my mother through a very ugly death due to Lyme and other tick-borne diseases and complications. I can assure you that I will not go through that kind of death willingly. But worse than that, dealing every day with the millions of aches, pains, and losses we suffer cause us to lose all hope eventually. You can’t imagine what it feels like to go from being a vibrant, talented, active, independent person, to having your brain turn to mush to the point that you literally have to have someone else speak for you. You can’t imagine what it cost my mother the first time her adult daughter had to put a diaper on her because her body functions began shutting down. I am 58 years old. I used to be a bodybuilder. I had a great job. Now I can’t make it through the grocery store without passing out. I’m so sorry you and your family don’t understand what made your loved one do this, but I, and literally millions of others, do. We hurt for you, and with you.

  13. Sandy Johnson says

    December 24, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    I am a retired medical personnel from OK. I was an RN for 22 years and a physiatrist assistant forgot 11 years.you said u couldn’t understand why your loved one committed suicide. From working with Lyme disease on many occasions, it does cause inflammation and for lack of a better word short circuits the brain. I’ve seen many people who have total changes in their mood and cognitive abilities. Unfortunately. Tick born illnesses are after passed off as just a virus,chronic fatigue, depression, or even fibromyalgia. It is imperative that people check themselves for ticks and report any bites to the doctor so Lyme tigers and Rocky Mountain Spotted fever tests can be tested early in the disease. Rapid and prompt treatment with IV antibiotics can be administered daily for a period of 2-4 weeks daily. This can be done in a doctor’s office or as an outpatient in emergency room or even home health care. Early detection is a must to prevent long term debilitating symptoms. Be proactive for yourself and educate others. Suicide seems to happen a lot more when people suffer these long term effects and in people who have led very active lives as your families loved one did. May this note help u and you’re family to better understand why this tragedy happened. Love and prayers, in Jesus name Amen

  14. Lori Jean says

    December 25, 2019 at 10:27 am

    I’m so sorry, may he Rest In Peace and fly with Angels! Lyme is so painful. Sending love and comfort to everyone! ??

  15. John sorenson says

    December 25, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    God bless to all that’s been touched in this family by this ugly unforgivable disease I have lived with it for 21/2 years and it’s been a journey for everyone around me It’s not a easy road and a very lonely one to travel stay strong and understand it’s not a weakness it’s a illness

  16. kmkat says

    December 27, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    Oh, Carole, my heart hurts for you and Dale and your family. Hold each other close.

« Older Comments

Archives

carole AT caroleknits DOT net
my read shelf:
Carole's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

2021 Reading Challenge

2021 Reading Challenge
Carole has read 15 books toward her goal of 75 books.
hide
15 of 75 (20%)
view books

carolejuliusphoto

My take on @aliedwards today’s half face prompt My take on @aliedwards today’s half face prompt ... half of mine and all of Jackie’s. It works for me because his is cuter! #aepiecesofus #halfface #nanalife #attaboyjack
Today’s @aliedwards prompt is eyes closed. It’ Today’s @aliedwards prompt is eyes closed. It’s how I meditate. It’s how I focus. It’s how I roll when I need to take a deep breath and get through a moment. #aepiecesofus #eyesclosed #thisisme
Today’s @aliedwards Pieces of Us prompt is Face Today’s @aliedwards Pieces of Us prompt is Face Forward. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my 55 years, it’s that facing forward is the best way to live. All the things in life, good or bad, can be resolved this way, our problems only multiple if we try to skirt around them. True satisfaction comes from looking life right in the eye, doing your best, and finding the joy. #aepiecesofus #thisismyface #faceforward
These hands. They are 55 years old and they show t These hands. They are 55 years old and they show the wear and tear of those years. The washing and moisturizing, the attempts to hold the approach of aging at bay. They’ve held and comforted so many loved ones, they’ve changed diapers and checked out books at the library, they’ve typed countless words, they’ve cooked and cleaned and done everything I’ve expected and I appreciate every bump and age spot and ... they are mine. #aepiecesofus #piecesofme #myhandstellmystory
I knew I had to take a photo of my feet while ridi I knew I had to take a photo of my feet while riding the bike for today’s prompt for @aliedwards Pieces of Us, as there would be no Peloton journey for me if it weren’t for my feet, strapped into those shoes, clipped into those pedals, and going round and round to make me stronger. #pelotonjourney #thisisme #clippedin #aepiecesofus
Daffodils from my garden and Easter decorations fr Daffodils from my garden and Easter decorations from my childhood = an explosion of spring! #daffodilbouquet #frommygarden #igrewthemmyself #easterdecor #easterceramics #happyspring
Friday night plans: crescent pizza rolls and Jesus Friday night plans: crescent pizza rolls and Jesus Christ Superstar. Happy Easter weekend! #fridaynightsnacks #crescentpizzarolls #martinitime #easterweekend2021 #eastertraditions
Happy FriYay! #fridaynightsnacks #cocktailhouratho Happy FriYay! #fridaynightsnacks #cocktailhourathome #martinitime #cheeseandcrackers #mezcalsalami #bacongoudaspread #mudpie #charcuterieboard
So grateful for these heaters on early spring even So grateful for these heaters on early spring evenings like this one. #decklife #outdoorliving #deckheaters #hellospring #earlyspring #rushingtheseason
Spring! #crocus #springcrocus #springflowersmakeme Spring! #crocus #springcrocus #springflowersmakemehappy #springishere #welcomespring #purplecrocus
Happy Pi Day! Today I made a wee cherry pie for me Happy Pi Day! Today I made a wee cherry pie for me and my guy. This 6” Longaberger pie plate is perfect for two. #happypiday #cherrypie #imadeitmyself #homemadepiecrust #longabergerpottery #piday2021
Guess who just joined the Peloton Century Club! 💯 rides 🚴 since October 20. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve sweated, I’ve cursed, and even when I hated it, I still loved it. Thank you to @iamicaniwillido for all the inspiration and especially for that Broadway ride. And thank you to @awayfromtheedge for always having my back. #pelotoncenturyclub #peloton #iamicaniwillido #thisisme #changingmystory @onepeloton
My yellow crocuses are about a week later than usu My yellow crocuses are about a week later than usual this year BUT there are  6 flowers instead of the usual 3 so I’m calling it a win! #springhassprung #crocuses #yellowcrocus #inmygardentoday #springflowers #cmonspring
I sure was happy to come home from work and find t I sure was happy to come home from work and find the deck furniture set up and ready to go. He might be pushing the season but I’m not going to complain! #springisintheair #onmydeck #pushingtheseason #60degreesinmarch
Today I took a drive to pick up these hothouse ane Today I took a drive to pick up these hothouse anemones and tulips from my favorite local flower farm @crossstreetflowerfarm and they have me jonesing for spring! #crossstreetflowerfarm #hothouseflowers #anemones #springbouquet #springflowers #treatyoself
Aerogarden is doing it’s thing, I’m hoping for Aerogarden is doing it’s thing, I’m hoping for an herb harvest soon! #the100dayproject #100daysofiphonephotos #aerogarden #growingherbsindoors #dill #parsley
I didn’t order groceries today so our snacks are I didn’t order groceries today so our snacks are from the larder, summer sausage, Swiss cheese, some crackers and hardboiled eggs. Even without the fancy snacks I’m still celebrating that the weekend is here! Happy FriYay! #fridaynightsnacks #happyfriyay #martinitime #cocktailhourathome #cheeseandcrackers
Ms. Pajama Party amaryllis is definitely having he Ms. Pajama Party amaryllis is definitely having her moment. #amaryllis #pajamapartyamaryllis #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject
Has it really been a week since I posted here? Who Has it really been a week since I posted here? Whoops! Let’s catch up! I’ll start by sharing this photo of my Pajama Party amaryllis, she’s in bloom right now and she’s a stunner. #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #pajamapartyamaryllis #amaryllis #winterblooms #whiteflowerfarm
Pictured here: 8 of the 48 cream puffs I made for Pictured here: 8 of the 48 cream puffs I made for Valentine’s Day for my family. One batch was a bust, pretty sure that was my mother-in-law saying hello from heaven (she always said one batch always fails) but the others were some of the best I’ve ever made. You may say Happy Valentine’s Day but around here it’s Cream Puff Day! #100daysofiphonephotos #the100dayproject #creampuffs #creampuffday #familytradition #homemadeisbest #whippedcreamfordays #thanksruthie
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Birthdays Bloggers Books Charity Knitting Contests Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday Memes Monday On My Mind Movies One Little Word Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Read With Us Reenacting Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Show & Tell Sock Knitting Spinning Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

Copyright 2014 Carole Knits · Log in