It Turns On A Dime

Friends. The first thing I want to tell you is that Dale is going to be alright. The rest of what I have to tell you, though, is scary and it’s hard for me to write about it. But I’m having trouble coping and I know that I process my feelings through writing so here we go.

On Monday afternoon, while my beloved husband was mowing our lawn, he was hit by a car. I was in our living room when I heard a loud bang out front and our lights went out. I ran for the front door and in a split second I took in 3 things: the utility pole on our corner was at a weird angle, there was a car smashed into it, and Dale was lying on his side in the middle of the road.

As I ran to him across our lawn, I saw my neighbor Jeff had gotten to him first and he was already holding Dale’s hand and yelling for someone to call 911. I knelt down beside Dale and I looked at that face that means everything to me and I said, I’m here. I’m right here. He looked up with his blue eyes and all I felt was relief that he was alive. Jeff said, it’s his leg but he’s going to be okay and I clung to those words. In a matter of minutes the police arrived, along with the fire department and paramedics, all people I know and trust. Our Town Administrator was on the scene immediately and my kids somehow got through the police barricade that was preventing traffic from coming down our street and I was surrounded by good, smart, capable people who knew how to take care of my guy.

He was in the ambulance incredibly fast and there was barely time for a quick kiss and I love you before he was on his way to Boston. Without me. Because we are living in the time of corona.

Here are the things I know:
he broke two bones in his lower left leg
he had surgery Monday night and it went well
he did not sustain any internal injuries
other than some cuts, bumps and bruises, his only significant injury is to his leg

To put it in no uncertain terms: this is a miracle.

And despite that knowledge, I am struggling. Not with the gratitude, for I am extremely grateful. And not even with accepting how miraculous it is that his injuries, while serious, should not be (or become) life threatening. The truth is that I’m struggling with the trauma. I see him lying in that road every time I look out my window. In any other time I would be with him, sitting by his side, holding his hand, watching every breath he takes. Observing with my own eyes that he is alive. Rather, I have to rely on information from others. Nurses who are kind but also busy and working very hard, and doctors who are taking care of Dale but don’t have to look his wife in the eye and answer her questions or return her phone calls.

It’s hard, so hard, to not be with him right now. I’ve talked to Dale and he sounds good (albeit loopy from pain meds) and I know he’s in the best place. But, I’ll tell you plain, I am terrified most of the time. I’m carrying on and people are wonderful with their concerns and prayers and texts and phone calls. Our social media accounts have been flooded with good wishes for Dale, he even has his own hashtag now, #dalestrong. Even so, yesterday I had two full blown panic attacks. They were scary and overwhelming and I couldn’t breath and felt like I was going to shake right out of my skin and I’d like to never have that happen again thankyouverymuch. I’m told, by some very excellent people, that this is my brain’s way of coping with the trauma and that I should expect this to come and go for a couple of weeks. I’m thinking that they will lesson significantly once Dale is home and I can lay eyes on him whenever I want. Right now, though, I don’t know exactly when that will be so I’m just . . . hanging on. Sometimes by nothing but a thread, honestly.

I know without a doubt that you are all reading this with love and concern and you will keep Dale and I and our family in your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. I’m betting my comment feed is about to explode, which I anticipate with wonder because I know there will be words of wisdom and an outpouring of love. I do ask for your forgiveness, though, if I just don’t have the strength to respond in the ways that I usually do.

I will keep you posted as I’m able but in the meantime please just know that I’m here, I’m reading your comments, and I’m so very grateful for all of you.

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This Post Has 148 Comments

  1. Carole – thank you so much for writing this. What a scary experience and I’m so glad you started it by saying that your husband is going to be fine. I have a feeling that’s been your mantra over the last few days. You, too, will get through this. You absolutely experienced a trauma and it will take time to process the images your brain is replaying. Those are images no one wants to have. Your family is in my thoughts. I’m hoping Dale can be at home with you again soon and you find ways to take care of yourself despite Covid.

    Please – no need to reply to this comment. ?

  2. Carole, how scary! I’m so sorry you and Dale had to go through this! I will send healing hugs to both of you and keep you both in my heart.

  3. Dear Carole
    I’m so sorry to hear about Dale. I’m upset this morning and can only imagine what you are going through right now. I’m very happy to hear he’s doing well and he will be home to you soon. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers,
    Best,
    Marianne

  4. Sending speedy healing thoughts to Dale and love to you both. So glad he will be fine and hope he is home by your side pronto. No need to respond Carole – take care!

  5. So very scary. Prayers for you and Dale. Remember you need to take care of yourself, too, so he doesn’t worry about you and so you’ll be strong when he comes home.

    Be safe.

  6. You are all in my thoughts for Dale’s speedy return home and recovery. So terrifying. Be kind to yourself because you were traumatised as well. Hugs to you.

  7. OMG! You never know what is going to happen but WOW! Please tell Dale he’s in our thoughts and prayers as are you! I hope for a fast recovery!!! Hugs!!!

    Russ

  8. My concern and care for both of you are here, and I sending those thoughts upward. He will heal. You will be there for him. It will take awhile. *hugs*

  9. My gosh, we are absolutely shocked!
    Please send our love to Dale on a speedy recovery, bones heal! To you Carole we send more than love we send understanding, encouragement, faith, support and love, a heart takes longer to heal but together with Dale home, it will slowly heal too!
    ?? Love Nick Kim Mitchell

  10. Oh, my love. I am so glad that Dale is going to be okay. And while I know that our brains know what they’re doing vis a vis trauma processing, I still remember how freaked out I was when my brain had to do some heavy-duty trauma processing, so I feel for you on that, 100%. Please treat yourself with care and gentleness as you work through this, and give Dale my love and wishes when he is back at home with you.

  11. Carole, I’m thinking of you and Dale and sending you strength. One breath at a time.

  12. Dear Carole,

    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with both you and Dale. Please give him my warment regards.
    I too had panic attack several times in these past years,while caring for Bob, but i laid in bed and prayed and somehow that helped. Call me if you wish to talk. Hang in there

  13. Carole, I can’t even imagine what your heart and mind are going through during this time. You have had more than your share of traumas in your lifetime. But I am happy to know that you feel the prayers, love and support that are coming your way. #Dalestrong ??

  14. So sorry you experienced this Carole. I am so glad Dale is recovering. All I can say is “self care” and make sure to keep moving. Physical activity really helps with trauma. Sending virtual hugs. mia

  15. Carole — what a horrible thing to have happened! I am so glad to hear that Dale is on the mend and being well taken care of and hope that he will be home soon. I also hope that you will be able to look out your window without being transported back to that awful scene before too long. Sending my best wishes.

  16. Carol,

    You and Dale are in our thoughts and prayers during this traumatic time. We wish Dale a speedy recovery. We hope both of you can regain some peace and strength during recuperation.

    Kathy & Brian Findlay

  17. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry that you are having these panic attacks, they are truly awful to go through. I know you know we are all here for you, but that doesn’t make it easier in the moment. Your heart will feel much better once Dale is home and until then we will all be lifting you up in love.

    xoxo

  18. So glad Dale will be OK! I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  19. The only opening sentence worse than “We need to talk.” begins “Don’t, worry, she/he/I’m going to be okay”. I can’t lie, there was an audible gasp when I read this. You, Dale and all your family are in my prayers. As the pain meds can be dialed back talking to Dale will be more encouraging. Perhaps there’s a kind medical person who could spend a minute helping Dale FaceTime with you. Seeing him will help a lot. I know it’s so painful and scary not to see him or his care providers in person. I also know they are doing everything they can to get him well and if there was hard news they have experience giving it over the phone, they aren’t holding back. If you need to do something, get the house ready for his return and get your groceries and things so you won’t need to leave him alone soon after he gets home. Last piece of advice? Lean on friends and family and don’t feel bad about it. They want to share this burden in whatever way they can because they love you both. Socially safe distanced hugs and prayers to you all.

  20. Oh Carole – Praying, praying, praying for your husband, you and your family. I lost my husband rather suddenly almost 9 years ago; he was my life. I suffered with panic attacks for almost a year after his death so I know where you’re coming from right now. Praying for peace for you, comfort and healing for Dale and a speedy and complete recovery.

  21. It’s a hard thing to see what you have seen. I wish that we, the blog friends, could come over one by one and bring you a hug, a meal, talk with you, listen to you. We are listening, we are here for you. Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Dale and you.
    -Polly

  23. Carole

    How scary!!! I’m glad Dale is doing OK. Having had panic attacks before all I can say Is “one breath at a time””. You may not be with him at the hospital but we all know that he can feel your love all the time. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

    xo
    Martha

  24. I am sending hugs and prayers to your family. I’m so glad he will be okay and I’m sure you will feel better when he is home with you.

  25. Oh Carole, that is so scary and I am SO GLAD that Dale will be okay! I know how hard it must be for you to not be with him, but I have complete faith in the people who are taking care of him at the hospital. Right now, you need to take care of yourself. You had a very big scare and it is entirely natural to be reacting to it the way that you are. Please know that I am sending you the biggest hugs right now! Reach out to everyone who is there for you to get you through this time!

  26. I love you guys so much. Sending all the love and all the juju and all the good energy your way. (But you already know all that.) Hang in there, my friend. Every little thing is gonna be alright. XOXOXO

  27. Dearest Carole
    My heart is sad, sad that you had to go through this and so sad that Dale is in pain!! I have know Dale and the Julius all my life as I grew up a few house down and still live there. I was there on Monday and when I saw it was Dale my heart broke for you?. Broke that you have all been through so much and sad that in this day you can’t mow your front lawn !!! If there is anything you need please know you have so many people here for you. If you need to find some comfort with furry creatures my horses are always there for a good loving!! Just a sort walk.
    Thinking of you both, can’t even imagine not being there with Dale but you have to stay safe for when he’s home to you! Sending a lot of love and prayers to you all??????

  28. Carole, this sounds absolutely terrifying, no matter how miraculous the outcome. You’re absolutely allowed to have as many panic attacks as you need! I’m sure it’s not helping that you can’t go SEE him. That said, I’m so glad to hear that he’ll be okay. I saw the surge of well-wishes the other night and panicked a little myself because I didn’t know what had happened! I’m so glad you’ve got so many people around for support. I’m so glad that Dale will be okay. I hope the peace and (too-)quiet will help ease your spirit while you wait for him to come home. God bless you both–all of you!

  29. Carole,
    You are the first blog I read each day as I’ve bookmarked them so I just read yours. OMG, it was hard to take it all in. I am glad you started off with telling us that he will be okay. You are both in my thoughts and I’m sending positive energy your way from California.

  30. My heart and prayers go out to you and Dale! I am sending a virtual hug your way! #Dalestrong

  31. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us. It was shocking to read and my thoughts are with you and Dale. I’m hoping he’s home soon and you can stare at his eyes all day. Keep your chin up!!

  32. Smith and I are shocked and worried for Dale and for you, but we know he is in good hands and you have fabulous support around you in family and friends. Wish I could give you a hug and quiet your shaking (I am hugging you from afar!). You are both in our hearts and in our thoughts. Love you, friend!

  33. Oh My Gosh Carole! Thank God he will be OK, but that is horrific to live through for all of you. Very scary to not be there. My aunt just went through the same thing with my uncle – 2 weeks in the hospital with no visiting and a few phone calls. Thank God for those nurses she said. I know you are surrounded with an amazing tribe – let me know if you need anything. Even if its just to drive up and talk while I sit in the car. Sending you hugs.

  34. Thank you for the update. I’ve been checking your page daily for some news. I’m happy to here that Dale is doing well. Praying for you both and hoping Dale will be home soon.

  35. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you. Thank God it was not worse….we have to remember to count our blessings each day. I know you must be feeling so helpless. We will all pray for a speedy homecoming so you can have some relief from your fears.

  36. Carole – giving you the biggest virtual hug. And sending lots of love and healing vibes Dale’s way. You’ve got this. xoxo

  37. Dear Carole, I’m relieved to know Dale will be ok. Mending takes time so give yourself the time to feel everything, with gentleness. I’m glad you have such a strong community of family and friends ? to help you sort through the trauma. Prayers.

  38. Dear Carole, I’m relieved to know Dale will be ok. Mending takes time so give yourself the time to feel everything, with gentleness. I’m glad you have such a strong community of family and friends to help you sort through the trauma. Prayers.

  39. Carole,
    Very sorry to hear about your husband’s terrible accident. Wishing him a healthy and speedy recovery and, you, strength and peace of mind. Hang in there!

  40. I don’t know who I am more worried for you or Dale (I think you are winning because Dale has a team of professionals taking care of him!) I am of course praying, sending love, and holding you both close.

    If you need to hear a voice, you can call me. Any time. If you need to have someone just listen, Call me. If you need someone to say breathe, call me. If you need someone to cry with you, call me.

    All my love, dear friend XOXO

  41. Carole,
    I can’t imagine how scary that must have been for you and Dale. I’ll pray for a swift recovery and healing. Thank you for writing your reflections about how this has made you feel as many of us can relate to trauma and its effects. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

  42. I’m so sorry to hear about Dale. But so happy that he will make a full recovery. I hope that he’s home and back with you very soon. Prayers to you both.

  43. Sending love and healing wishes for both of you. I almost called you last night, thinking about you alone in the house, but hoped maybe you were able to get some sleep. I hope Dale can come home soon, because although he’s where he needs to be and getting the best care, things will be much better once he’s back with you. XO

  44. Oh wow, Carole-holding your hand and hugging you from afar. Praying for a speedy recovery for Dale-and peace for you. xo

  45. Dear Carole, I am so sorry that this happened!! It wasn’t long ago that I was reminded of when Rusty was hit by a car. When he called me from the ambulance on the way to the hospital — everything in me kicked into super high gear, and I ended up getting to the hospital well before him!! I am so sad that you can’t be with Dale in Boston, I know that would be a relief for both of you. I hope that he won’t have to be there for long and will be home soon. I know you’ll take good care of him! Love to you both. Good healing mojo to Dale!! xoxox

  46. OMG! I am so sorry that happened and oh so glad Dale will be okay. Not being able to visit is so hard on everyone involved. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

  47. Carole – such beautiful words for such a horrible time. So happy to know that Dale is doing ok but so very sorry you are experiencing the flashbacks and fear, time and time again. Keeping you both in thoughts and prayers.

  48. Stunned and holy cow, not what I thought I’d find in your post. Thinking of you and Dale and all of the positive thoughts…

  49. My heart dropped at that first sentence! Somehow the aftermath, even though good news, is so very hard. Stay strong, friend, knit, cook, clean, or do whatever brings you relief until your sweetie is home where you can hug him. Both of you in my heart.

  50. Carole so sorry to hear this.
    Sending prayers and love to you all. Dale is a very strong man and he will get through this and be home in your loving arms soon.
    Love and prayers

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