Carole Knits

october zinnia
october zinnia
martinis with a view
martinis with a view
gettysburg fence for
gettysburg fence for
germinate shawl on rocks
germinate shawl on rocks
field of flags 2
field of flags 2
color affection with edge
color affection with edge
cedar leaf shawlette 2
cedar leaf shawlette 2
3_27_2014
3_27_2014
3_18_13
3_18_13
2_24_2014
2_24_2014
1_11_13
1_11_13
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
peony-bouquet-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
dale-and-jackie-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits
nightshift-progress-for-carole-knits

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Arthritis Ask Me Anything Birthdays Bloggers Books Buy More Yarn Charity Knitting Circular Sock Machine Contests Crochet Dyeing Epic Sock Blanket Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Joyful Wednesday Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday March Money Madness Memes Mittens Monday On My Mind Monthly Intentions Movies Museum of Me Mutterings My Backyard NaBloPoMo One Little Word Patterns Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Ravelry Read With Us Reenacting Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Sewing Show & Tell Sock Knitting Spinning Style School Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on the Tenth Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

  • Home
  • Carole Julius Photography
You are here: Home / One Little Word / One Little Word: June 2020 Update

One Little Word: June 2020 Update

June 30, 2020 By Carole

Today I am joining with Honoré and sharing an update on my journey with my 2020 One Little Word, Open.

I find myself thinking about the word open a lot. In my darker moments I strongly dislike (I won’t use the word hate but you know I’m thinking it) this word. It has challenged me in ways I never could have predicted and it has been difficult. Difficult to be open when life is scary and I want to close down. Difficult to remain open when all I want to do is hide myself away from the wor(l)d. And now, particularly, difficult to re-open the parts of myself that I shut down to protect myself from trauma.

As Dale has gotten stronger and more independent, I find myself wanting to protect him more. Even though I longed for this back in the days when he was very very helpless, now I find myself scared of it. Scared to let him drive a car by himself. Scared to have him go up and down the stairs alone. Scared, frankly, to let him out of the bubble I closed him up in to protect him and enable him to heal.

That bubble of protection? The one I stuck him in when he came home from the hospital? It’s very similar to the the one I put myself in a lot when I was a kid and I had to deal with the trauma of my childhood. The bubble is pretty and safe. It’s calm and quiet and the walls are thick and nothing can get in unless I allow it. Not fighting parents and brothers who leave, not alcoholism and chaos and domestic violence, and definitely not accidents and death. The flipside, of course, is that nothing can get out either. And nothing can grow or change because the bubble won’t allow for that. The bubble keeps us safe. The bubble also keeps us stagnant.

As we approach another month, I know that I have to put the trauma bubble away. I have to open up and allow for change and growth as we move into the next phase of recovery, both physically and emotionally.

The reality is that I might not be ready to put the bubble away completely. I might still need some protection from the chaos of the outside world. But I’m definitely ready to put some windows in the bubble and open them up to let the light back in.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Related posts:

Default ThumbnailOne Little Word: August 2020 Update Default ThumbnailOne Little Word: February 2020 Update Default ThumbnailOne Little Word: May 2020 Update Default ThumbnailOne Little Word: April 2020 Update
« Sometimes Mondays
Hello, July »

Filed Under: One Little Word

Comments

  1. Becky says

    June 30, 2020 at 7:22 am

    Your level of self awareness will see you through, Carole. I’m sure you will find the balance of being open just enough and protecting those you love as well as yourself.

  2. Kym says

    June 30, 2020 at 7:43 am

    Sending you ALL the love and support you need to open that bubble up — just a little bit. XOXO
    (And . . . what a perfect word for this year for you. I know you don’t like it. But WOW. It’s a powerful one.)

  3. Mary K. in Rockport says

    June 30, 2020 at 7:49 am

    No wonder you love books and stories.

  4. Sharon says

    June 30, 2020 at 8:43 am

    Carole, you are one strong woman. We should all be as honest with ourselves as you have been

  5. Vera says

    June 30, 2020 at 8:47 am

    Agreeing with others – your honesty and openness is so nice…and it will see you through these rough/tough and terrible times. You will figure out how and when to open slowly…..

  6. Bonny says

    June 30, 2020 at 9:21 am

    I once had a professor who told me that self-awareness was the greatest skill a person could cultivate – knowing yourself, your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. You have been admirably honest and open and I think you have done incredible work with your word (and it’s only June)!

  7. Candi says

    June 30, 2020 at 9:44 am

    Just sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings is making you more open than you realize. Keeping you and Dale in my prayers.

  8. Lydia says

    June 30, 2020 at 9:45 am

    Thank you for being open and honest and sharing a new view about our bubbles. So many truths.

  9. Juliann says

    June 30, 2020 at 10:10 am

    After my dad’s stroke, we talked a lit about the bubble effect. He wanted to be independent but the staff wanted to bubble wrap him, keep him “safe.” It is a tough place to be. I know you will thoughtfully work it out.

  10. Vicki says

    June 30, 2020 at 11:26 am

    I remember this… Rusty’s accident/recovery wasn’t nearly as severe as Dale’s, but there was definitely a protective bubble. I also remember that it wasn’t all on ME… that he had responsibility, too, as recovery progressed. I had to TRUST — myself, him, and the world. (Sometimes I had to hold my breath.) Love to you.

  11. Sarah says

    June 30, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    Once again I am impressed by your self-awareness. I think this word has been a challenge for you, but it’s a good challenge, because it’s forcing you to put yourself in uncomfortable places that are allowing you to grow. That bubble isn’t always a bad thing (I mean, the pandemic isn’t going away anytime soon), but I think you’re right that you can begin to put some windows in it now.

  12. Bob Lavallee says

    June 30, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    I hope the days ahead are easier for you both.
    Kathleen

  13. Kat says

    June 30, 2020 at 6:29 pm

    I am nodding in agreement with Kym. Boy, what a great word. (says the person who is so closed… yeah, I can say it but I can’t do it) You though, are an inspiration, Carole. I think it is okay to be afraid. (and I adore your openness to share all these hard feelings!) XO

  14. Kim says

    June 30, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    I love you for this post! I know how hard it is for you to share things that are not always perfect and knowing that bubbles may keep you safe, but you can’t grow in a bubble for it will pop. This word has proven to be a difficult one for you, but it’s forcing you to grow into a bolder, more confident you. <3

  15. Katie @ The Cozy Burrow says

    July 1, 2020 at 5:50 am

    What an amazing update. Thank you for writing it! You’re going to get past this – it sounds like you’ve moved through a lot in your life and know how to do it. You’re protecting yourself right now because you need to. You’ll know how to add more windows until you no longer need the bubble. You have every reason to trust yourself!

  16. Mary says

    July 3, 2020 at 4:49 pm

    You’ve got this! I hope you see some light (and feel a fresh breeze) through an open window this month. Y’all both need it!!

Archives

carole AT caroleknits DOT net
my read shelf:
Carole's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

2022 Reading Challenge

2022 Reading Challenge
Carole has read 70 books toward her goal of 75 books.
hide
70 of 75 (93%)
view books

carolejuliusphoto

It’s Friday Night and we’re here for the snack It’s Friday Night and we’re here for the snacks! And Bicentennial Beer for EB! #fridaynightsnacks #thosenapkinsthough #cheeseandcrackers #martinitime #blackhatbeerworks #ebbicentennial #eastbridgewaterma
After a stressful morning of learning NOT to play After a stressful morning of learning NOT to play with momma’s knitting, these two are taking a well deserved rest. The squirt bottle is doing wonders and I can see their internal struggle of wanting the yarn so badly but also hating the spritz of water. 🤣 We’re definitely making progress and I’m so glad. #fredandgeorgethecats #siamesecatsofinstagram #siamesecats #siamesecorner
Oh hey, FriYay. #fridaynightsnacks #cheeseandcrack Oh hey, FriYay. #fridaynightsnacks #cheeseandcrackers #cheeseboard #martinitime #cocktailhourathome #happyhourathome #tgif
We’ve social obligations the last few Friday nig We’ve social obligations the last few Friday nights and that was fun … but I’ll just say this … there’s no place like home. #fridaynightsnacks #theresnoplacelikehome #martinitime #eastbridgewaterbicentennial #eastbridgewaterbeer #blackhatbrewworks #cocktailhourathome #friyay #mycozyhome
New Year’s Eve at home with music and food is pe New Year’s Eve at home with music and food is perfection. Oysters to start and a dinner of steak and baked potatoes and lobster, easy and delicious! Happy New Year to all! #happynewyear #newyearseve #justthetwoofus #steakandlobster #dinnerathome #welcome2023
It’s the most wonderful DAY of the year! The wor It’s the most wonderful DAY of the year! The work of Christmas is over, there are no lists of things to do, my heart is full from gatherings and gift giving, fridge is loaded with delicious leftovers, and I’m reading in bed with a hot cup of coffee. Hurrah for Christmas vacation! #thedayafterchristmas #christmasbedroom #godjul #readinginbed #wintersolstice #christmasvacation
When your husband is a kid at heart you make him a When your husband is a kid at heart you make him a pancake snowman for Christmas breakfast. Merry Christmas, everyone! #christmasbreakfast #pancakesnowman #pancakes #foodcreations
When Christmas Eve eve meets Friday Night Snacks! When Christmas Eve eve meets Friday Night Snacks! #fridaynightsnacks #christmaseveeve #cheeseandcrackers #martinitime #cheeseislife #bestnightoftheweek
I may be a shiksa but I make pretty good latkes! H I may be a shiksa but I make pretty good latkes! Happy Hanukkah to all! #latkes #hanukkah
Just one week until Christmas Eve! #christmas #chr Just one week until Christmas Eve! #christmas #christmastree #jeweledchristmastree #christmastree2022
Fred & George and Santa Kitty have the right idea, Fred & George and Santa Kitty have the right idea, snuggled on the couch on this rainy Friday. #fredandgeorgethecats #siamesecatsofinstagram #siamese #siamesecorner #christmaspillow #snuggledonthecouch
The pictures you find when you look at old photo a The pictures you find when you look at old photo albums: a bunch of Wheaties from 37 years ago.
We were supposed to go out tonight but our friends We were supposed to go out tonight but our friends had to cancel at the last minute due to Covid. (It’s not over, friends.) As much as I wanted to see them, having a bonus night at home is also wonderful. Good thing I always have cheese and crackers on hand! #fridaynightsnacks #cheeseandcrackers #martinitime #christmasnapkins #christmasdishes
Morning yoga is better with cats and a Christmas t Morning yoga is better with cats and a Christmas tree 🎄 #morningyoga #findwhatfeelsgood #yogawithadriene #siamesecats #yogawithcats
I dare you to resist rubbing that furry belly! #si I dare you to resist rubbing that furry belly! #siamesecat #siamesecatsofinstagram #catsofinstagram #kittybelly #siamese #siamesecorner
Pies are done! #thanksgiving #thanksgivingpies #ho Pies are done! #thanksgiving #thanksgivingpies #homemadepies #givemeallthepie #pumpkinpie #applepie #mincemeatpie #cranberrypecanpie #imadethemmyself
Just a little snack, I’m making pizza in a bit, Just a little snack, I’m making pizza in a bit, but I wanted to show off the napkins. We’re on to Thanksgiving. #fridaynightsnacks #martinitime #pimentocheese #gobblegobblegobble #thanksgivingiscoming
There’s the potential for a hard frost tonight s There’s the potential for a hard frost tonight so I picked all the dahlias in bloom. There are still loads of buds so this might not be the end, but it very well could be. I’m so thrilled with my first season growing dahlias and I’m excited to expand next year. Stay tuned for 2023 featuring more varieties! More color! More bouquets! #dahlias #dahliaseason #dahliabouquet #octoberflowers #flowersaremagical #dahliasfordays
Friday Night Snacks with a spooky twist, we’re r Friday Night Snacks with a spooky twist, we’re ready for the last weekend before Halloween! #fridaynightsnacks #cheeseandcrackers #martinitime #charcuterieboard #halloweencharcuterieboard #friyay #helloweekend
My mystery bag from @themossyapothecary arrived to My mystery bag from @themossyapothecary arrived today and it’s full of magickal goodness. #magickalherbs #mossyapothecary #witchyvibes
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

ABC Along Adventures of Dale and Carole Birthdays Bloggers Books Charity Knitting Contests Eye Candy Friday Feeling Crafty Fiber Festivals Food Good, Bad, Ugly Hmmm Knitting Knitting Olympics Macro Monday Memes Monday On My Mind Monthly Intentions Movies Museum of Me One Little Word Photography Project Spectrum Quilting Random Read With Us Run For Your Life Saturday Posts Selfies Sock Knitting Spinning Sunday Funnies Swaps Ten on Tuesday Thankfulness That's Life Think Write Thursday Three Things Throwback Thursday Thursday Things Uncategorized Vacations Wordless Words in the Wild

Copyright 2014 Carole Knits · Log in