Right Now

April 6, 2020 By Carole

I’ve seen those social media posts that start with . . . So I Remember . . . and the people list gas prices, etc. Bloggers are list pros so here’s my list of what’s going on for us right now.

Smiling: for our Front Steps Project photo. Our neighbor is a professional photographer and she took this photo of us a week or so ago (the days all do blend together right now, don’t they?) and all the proceeds went to a charity in our town. Great idea and I loved capturing this moment in time in front of our house.
Knitting: NightShift and socks. Not a lot, honestly, but I’m making progress and really enjoying NightShift.
Zooming: A lot! We had a virtual happy hour with Kym and Tom last week, I’ve got a Department Head meeting this morning, a library network membership meeting this week and more. It’s a good way to stay in touch with friends who live far away (honestly, we should have been doing this for ages!) and great for remote meeting participation.
Journaling: Daily. I list 5 things in my gratitude journal every morning and I use my other journal for getting my feelings down on paper, doing some simple artwork, and collaging. It helps.
Meditating: More than usual because, again, it helps.
Reading: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön. It goes hand in hand with my meditation practice and it couldn’t be more perfect for right now.
Dreaming: Intensely. Last night I had a dream that we were in a hotel on the ocean and the entire first floor flooded. I’ve had plenty of anxiety dreams lately and several with my brother as well. He’s been on my mind a lot as he died 37 years ago this Wednesday. Clearly I’m releasing my anxiety in my dreams.
Listening to: Brené Brown’s new podcast Unlocking Us. No one gets to the heart of anxiety and vulnerability the way she does and I’m so grateful for this new way to learn from her.
Watching: Star Wars (I put watching all the movies on my 20 in 2020 List), Olive Kitteridge (because Dale just read the book), Call the Midwife (so glad it’s back), Ken Burns Country Music (so grateful for my PBS Passport service as a sustainer). Please note we are not watching Tiger King. Not happening here.
Sewing: face masks for Dale and I. I haven’t attempted this yet but yesterday we went through my fabric stash (it’s extensive from all those years of quilting) and I’m hoping to get some made this afternoon.
Contemplating: human behavior. Dale and I went for a drive yesterday and observed things that we couldn’t believe we were seeing. Bikers in a group in a parking lot. A group of kids playing baseball. People attempting social distancing but being way closer than 6 feet apart. I don’t get it, I really don’t.
Avoiding: everywhere! I did go to the grocery store last Wednesday for the first time in 2 weeks. I don’t panic about trips like this, but it’s definitely a weird time to be in a store. Never in my lifetime have I made a list of things we need and had to say if they have it but those are the times we are in. Also the cashier told me she sees the same people in the store every single day. So again I say: stay home.
Missing: my family. I’m grateful to be with Dale and not be alone but I sure do miss our kids and especially Jackie. We FaceTime with him frequently and that’s wonderful but I’m truly looking forward to holding that little bug in my arms again.

What’s happening for you right now? I’d love to know.

Eye Candy Friday

April 3, 2020 By Carole

It’s a rainy, windy day here in my neck of the woods but this bouquet of daffodils on my kitchen table makes it feel sunny despite the weather.

Let’s hope we all find sunshine this weekend in one form or another.

Be well. Stay home. See you Monday.

Three On Thursday

April 2, 2020 By Carole

We’re another week into this thing and I have some thoughts to share. Maybe some of this will be stuff you can relate to and maybe you’ll find a nugget to help you cope. Or maybe not and you’ll just chalk this up to another rambling (and slightly vulnerable) post. Here’s what’s rolling around in my head:

I had a session with my Life Coach the other day and it was very helpful. All the stuff I’m committed to doing . . . writing my story, coming up with a program to help women in the workforce, working through the crap from my childhood . . . are sort of on hold as I try to just get through this time that we’re in. So she and I talked about anxiety and how I’m feeling and her suggestion . . . which is really so obvious but I still needed to hear it . . . is to make two lists when I get anxious or overwhelmed. One list is for the things I’m worrying about that I can’t control. And the other is for the things that I can actually do to help me cope.
This session also illustrated very clearly for me how my response as an adult to a situation that’s out of my control is directly related to the things that happened to me as a child. When my parents split up, when the grownups drank too much, when my mother and stepfather fought and there wasn’t dinner, when all the things that made me feel unsafe happened, my response was to control as much as I possibly could. What I mean is, when things are out of control I feel unsafe so I do my best to keep things in control and safe, not just for me but for the people I love, too. I’d say this is what makes me a good manager, a good wife and mother, and a good friend. It’s also what makes what is happening right now harder for me to deal with.
On the other hand, I have recognized that even when I think I’m in control of things . . . I’m not. Sure, we make plans to meet friends for dinner or go to a concert or take a vacation (all of those things were on our calendar for April and beyond and they have all been cancelled) but the reality is that it’s all out of my control. Things happen. Plans change. Events get rescheduled. Pretty much every plan we make is ultimately at the whim of the universe. This pandemic is an opportunity to recognize that and accept that and use it as a reminder that all we really have is the present moment.

And that’s where my head is this Thursday. I hope you’re doing well but even more than that, I hope you’re staying home. Really. Just stay home.

Please add your link below.

Good for the Soul

April 1, 2020 By Carole

Music is very important to Dale and I, as you probably know. He’s a singer in a band, of course. And we listen to music a lot in our home. Our tastes aren’t always the same but luckily I’m the only one who knows how to operate Spotify and our Sonos speakers. Ha!

Seriously, though, we listen to a lot of classic rock, folk, and oldies. Last Friday when we were on the deck I had a playlist on shuffle and the song The Weight by The Band came on. We were trying to figure out one of the lines and I looked up the lyrics and then we were talking about how much we both really love the song and the meaning behind it . . . that idea of taking the weight off of someone else and carrying it for them when you are able.

Dale did some extra googling on his own the next morning and he stumbled across a YouTube video of this song recorded by Playing for Change. It was done last September in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the song. It’s gorgeous and uplifting and I love it. I hope it brings you some comfort and solace right now the way it has for us.

One Little Word: March 2020 Update

March 31, 2020 By Carole

The irony of my One Little Word being open in the midst of a pandemic where it feels like everything is closed is not lost on me. My library? Closed. My favorite stores? Closed. My go to restaurants? Closed.

Guess what’s not closed, though?

My eyes. To the beauty around me . . . the new furniture we bought for our living room, the pansies peeking above my window sills, the daffodils in my garden, the bluebirds at the feeder by the kitchen window, the pictures and videos of Jackie that Jessica makes sure Dale and I see.

My mind. To new ideas about what staying home feels like. To finding creative ways to “see” friends and family. To using books to take me to anywhere I might want to go. To learning new things and honing new skills. To possibility.

My heart. To loving every minute of every day even when it feels tedious or scary or uncomfortable. To feeling grateful for so much extended time with Dale. To being resilient in the face of so much uncertainty. To protecting myself and my family through temporary sacrifice. To accepting hope however it shows up.

Maybe being closed off from the world is exactly what I need to show me what being open is really all about.