It’s the 4th Tuesday of the month and that means it’s time to join up with Carolyn and share how I’m doing with my 2021 One Little Word: Create.

This month in the Ali Edward’s class was all about identifying and considering the stories we tell ourselves. The concept stems from the work of Brené Brown, mostly in Rising Strong, but she also talks about this in her TED talk and in other books, too. The idea is that our brains are wired to protect us and often that first line of defense against any sort of attack is our brain making up a story about why something is happening. It could be as simple as wondering why your friend didn’t text you back or as complex as wondering why your father got sick with cancer and didn’t reach out to you before he died.

You may recall that story was my One Little Word a couple of years ago so this prompt was right up my alley. I’ve thought a lot about my story, how I want to shape the story of my life, and how I want to react to the things that impact my story. I’ve learned that I will probably always have a tendency to catastrophize something, but I’ve also learned to recognize when I’m doing it. I’ve learned that the stories I tell myself have a common theme, and it is that I’m not worthy. Not worthy of love, friendship, money, attention, good experiences . . . you name it, I’ve decided I’m not worthy of it.

Here’s a recent example that might help illustrate this. In order to travel to Iceland, we all had to have a COVID test with a negative result less than 3 days prior to the flight. I was convinced that I would be the only one who would test positive and then I would miss my daughter’s wedding. I was also convinced that this was my punishment for not being 100% on-board with the Iceland wedding plan from the beginning. I was so stressed out about this test and the outcome and I finally mentioned it to Hannah a day or so before we were getting tested and she said to me, “Mom. If you test positive we will postpone.” I was so relieved and completely verklempt that it mattered so much to Hannah and Mikey to have me there . . . and Hannah on the other hand, couldn’t understand how I could have ever thought they’d go ahead without me. Hell of a story I told myself, huh?

I think my word, create, is perfect for this prompt, because I can use it to remind myself to not create those sorts of stories. To not create a spiral of doom, to not doubt my worth to the people in my life. The story I want to tell myself, the story I want to create, is that I am good and worthy, that I bring joy to those in my life, that I make the world a better place.

As the saying goes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

It’s the 4th Tuesday of the month and that means it’s time to join up with Carolyn and share how I’m doing with my 2021 One Little Word: Create.

It seems unreasonable to me, but we’re at the halfway point of the year, and the prompt this month was all about reflecting on where we are with our words. I spent some time considering the questions, which ranged from simple ones like in one or two words, your OLW experience so far has been to more complex ones like three challenges you’ve faced related to your word. And after considering . . . a lot . . . over a period of time . . . I sat down and wrote out my answers in my OLW binder.

Another part of the prompt was to go back and read what we wrote in January and consider whether those thoughts still apply, whether we’ve forgotten some of our intentions with regards to our word, whether we need to make adjustments to help make our word fulfilling for the second half of the year. I found this to be helpful as it reminded me of some specific things I planned for this word and I made a note of a few things I want to accomplish.

The thing that comes back to me over and over again about create is how different it is from open, which was my 2020 year. That word was so emotional for me, in a year that was pretty emotional to begin with. The word create is much less fraught with feelings and I’m glad I chose it for that reason alone. It’s a word that feels tangible and manageable after a year of chaos and stress and it’s just what I needed.

It’s the 4th Tuesday of the month and that means it’s time to join up with Carolyn and share how I’m doing with my 2021 One Little Word: Create.

The prompt this month for One Little Word was on photography. Specifically, creating feelings through photography. Now, I take a lot of photos. Even though I’ve let go of the Project 365 thing I still take a photo just about every day. Sometimes they are good and I share them on Instagram and other times they are just for me. When I considered how I wanted to use my photography to create feelings, though, I decided to use the photos I took back in April for the Pieces of Us project.

I chose 5 that created feelings I wanted to embrace. Hope, Trust, Engaged, Strong, and Joyful. I used my Polaroid Zip to print out 2×3 sticker photos and I put each one on a different 4×6 piece of cardstock and wrote a few sentences about why the photo made me feel a particular way. It was fast and easy, the way I prefer documenting this project to be, but the thought and emotion that went into the whole process was definitely not fast. Or easy. And that’s just the way I prefer that part to be, too.

My journey with create is feeling very good right now. Grounded. Purposeful. Satisfying. It’s been a good word so far.

I’m a week late on this one but, you know what? The prompt for this month was all about letting go. And I’m letting go of posting things on a schedule other than my own. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

So. Letting go. I spent a lot (and I mean a lot a lot) of time considering this prompt and pondering what I wanted or needed to let go of. Truthfully, I kept coming up blank. I thought about things I maybe should let go of . . . like playing with my Nintendo switch or watching the news in the morning or online shopping. But really, I didn’t want to give up any of those things because they are important things to me. They bring me happiness or relaxation or whatever.

Ultimately, I decided that when it comes to my word create, I want to let go of 2 things. One is the fear of failure. I’ve had the idea of writing my story in book form (gulp) for ages but I’ve been procrastinating because I don’t feel qualified or I don’t think I have anything new to contribute or I don’t even know how to approach writing a book. Instead of focusing on those things I am letting go of the fear and instead I will create space for myself to put my words on paper. That’s all. I’m not going to consider what happens next.

The other thing I am letting go of is the word should. Particularly when it comes to things I think I should be doing . . . I should be journaling, I should be writing, I should be exercising. Instead, I am giving myself permission to let go of making those things a chore and equating productivity with happiness. Instead, I will embrace those things as part of the process of creating a whole me.

I guess, in the end, it comes down to creating space . . . space for myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my words . . . and letting that be enough. For now.