January is practically half over and I have yet to post December’s media stuff! I decided to put the one second video first this time just to mix things up. And also because I have things to say about my photos this month and I wanted those thoughts to be at the end of the post.

So. First the video:

And now the photos:

Here’s the deal.

Frankly, it’s been hard to go back and look at these and get them ready to share with you. There’s nothing that indicates that our lives fell apart in the middle there, but in my head the month is very clearly divided into before Randy died and after Randy died . . . exactly one month ago today. I honestly don’t think it’s reflected in the photos . . . no one else can probably tell that anything changed . . . there are still twinkle lights and cookies and all that’s lovely about December. But.  The photos at the beginning of the month feel joyful to me. There’s Dale in the snow with his new hat. There is a silly outtake from our Christmas card photo shoot. There is the joy of our town tree lighting. And then there is the rest of the month. When I look at the photo from December 13th, I remember taking that picture of our Christmas tree before we headed out to a party, only to be called back home shortly after we left because something tragic had happened. When I look at the photo of our town gazebo, I remember walking down there with Dale, hoping to feel the peace of the season despite our sadness.  When I see that photo of Jackie asleep on our bed, I remember that as I was taking it Dale was in the living room with Luke and they were telling Randy stories and trying to make sense of what had happened. I love to document our life events with photos but this event . . . this before and after . . . it’s a story I don’t know how to tell in photos.

There are feelings behind those photos that aren’t directly reflected in the photos themselves. But they are there. And they are sad. Those feelings are relentless and heavy. But it’s life and sometimes life breaks your heart. And you take photos of twinkle lights and cocktails anyway.

You carry on.

Thanks for listening.