If you’re like me and you’re doing any sort of remote participation for work, or if you’re trying to hang out with your friends virtually, you are probably using Zoom. I’ve used Zoom for a while for online sessions with my life coach but my use of Zoom has increased dramatically over the last 5 weeks. And because I’m using it more I’ve learned some good practices. Today I’m sharing them with you.

1. The first and most important thing to do it get the correct set up. And in creating that set up you need to elevate your camera, whether you’re using a laptop of iPad or smart phone, to eye level. Please do this. Please. Because no one wants to be looking up your nose. Make note of where you camera is and look directly into the camera as much as possible so that you don’t appear to be vacantly staring off into space. Or looking down at your phone. And take advantage of Zoom’s touch up my appearance feature . . . it’s a game changer.
2. Along with getting that height at the right spot (slightly angled down will also make you look better) make sure your background is something you don’t mind people seeing. There are virtual backgrounds you can use but your home is probably just fine so long as there isn’t laundry on the floor behind you. If you live with other people there’s probably going to come a moment where they wander around behind you. That’s fine and sometimes even adds a little levity to a meeting when it’s a cute kid or dog.
3. Finally, practice good meeting etiquette. Mute your microphone so that your noises aren’t distracting to others. Don’t yawn with your mouth open or eat during a meeting (and yes, I have seen both of those things happen recently). Don’t play with your hair. And, probably most important and also hardest: don’t talk over other people. Wait for the pause between speakers and then jump in. Even better, use the raise your hand feature that’s available in Zoom.

Zoom is truly a great tool for work but also for helping to chase away those isolation blues. I’ve had virtual happy hours and virtual meetings. I’ve hung out with my kids and my local friends and even my college friends. Mary hosts a weekly knitters meet up. Truly, Zoom is something we all could have been taking advantage off in a real way for a long time and it could be a teeny tiny silver lining as we cope with this pandemic. I’d love to hear your stories and experiences using Zoom.

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We’re another week into this thing and I have some thoughts to share. Maybe some of this will be stuff you can relate to and maybe you’ll find a nugget to help you cope. Or maybe not and you’ll just chalk this up to another rambling (and slightly vulnerable) post. Here’s what’s rolling around in my head:

1. I had a session with my Life Coach the other day and it was very helpful. All the stuff I’m committed to doing . . . writing my story, coming up with a program to help women in the workforce, working through the crap from my childhood . . . are sort of on hold as I try to just get through this time that we’re in. So she and I talked about anxiety and how I’m feeling and her suggestion . . . which is really so obvious but I still needed to hear it . . . is to make two lists when I get anxious or overwhelmed. One list is for the things I’m worrying about that I can’t control. And the other is for the things that I can actually do to help me cope.
2. This session also illustrated very clearly for me how my response as an adult to a situation that’s out of my control is directly related to the things that happened to me as a child. When my parents split up, when the grownups drank too much, when my mother and stepfather fought and there wasn’t dinner, when all the things that made me feel unsafe happened, my response was to control as much as I possibly could. What I mean is, when things are out of control I feel unsafe so I do my best to keep things in control and safe, not just for me but for the people I love, too. I’d say this is what makes me a good manager, a good wife and mother, and a good friend. It’s also what makes what is happening right now harder for me to deal with.
3. On the other hand, I have recognized that even when I think I’m in control of things . . . I’m not. Sure, we make plans to meet friends for dinner or go to a concert or take a vacation (all of those things were on our calendar for April and beyond and they have all been cancelled) but the reality is that it’s all out of my control. Things happen. Plans change. Events get rescheduled. Pretty much every plan we make is ultimately at the whim of the universe. This pandemic is an opportunity to recognize that and accept that and use it as a reminder that all we really have is the present moment.

And that’s where my head is this Thursday. I hope you’re doing well but even more than that, I hope you’re staying home. Really. Just stay home.

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The Happier Podcast with Gretchen Rubin had a special episode that dropped last Saturday and it was focused on advice and ideas for getting us through the coronavirus pandemic. I took Gretchen’s idea of having a plan of things to do and adapted it for my own situation and, knowing that Thursday was coming, I broke it down into 3 areas I want to address.

1. Home. I’m obviously home a lot more than usual and think it presents an opportunity to tackle some projects I’ve been meaning to get to but putting off. In an extra Three on Thursday bonus there are three things I want to get to: our bedroom closet (the floor is a mess), my selectmen’s paperwork (I need a system for organizing that isn’t just throwing all that stuff on a shelf in our den) and the corner of our kitchen where the washer/dryer live (I want to find new places to store the stuff that winds up on top of those appliances.)
2. Hobbies. Obviously knitting. I really hope to get going on my NightShift shawl later today. And I have a pair of jeans that used to have a smallish rip that made them cool but now that rip has gotten way too extended so I thought this would be a good time to explore some visible mending. Also reading. Obviously. And puzzles with Dale because they are good for our brains.
3. Happiness. This one is trickier but probably the most important of all. Listen, I don’t even like going out most of the time and I’m feeling hemmed in so I know that self care is really important right now. I’d say at least once every day I feel overwhelmed and anxious and I cry. I’m lucky that I have Dale here to talk me off the ledge and I have wonderful support from friends who get it but I’d like to preempt those feelings if possible. So I’m upping the amount of time I spend meditating. And I’m committing to journaling, both about this unique time for our world but also just in general. And yoga. I got totally sidelined with my yoga routine when we went on our family vacation last month. Now is the perfect time to start that up again, I know it will help.

How are you handling the change in your routine these days? I’d love to hear your ideas and I bet others would, too.

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