Last week I signed up for Michelle GD’s Gratitude Week. Let me just tell you, it’s been a tough week when it comes to gratitude. In fact, one of the first things I did on Monday morning was to email Michelle. I asked her, point blank, “how do you find gratitude when you can’t get past the pain?”
Those of you who follow Michelle won’t be surprised at all to learn that she answered me eloquently and beautifully, giving me permission to do only what is right for me. Her suggestions were wonderful and heartfelt and her email was like a balm to my wounded soul. With her help (and yours) I have found some things to be grateful for this week. There are, surprisingly, more than three but I’m just going to share three here today.
- I’m grateful for the support of family and friends, those I know and those I’ve never even meet. The outpouring of kindness and love for us over losing Mason has been incredible. I know it’s partly because most people can relate to losing a pet and partly because I’m a writer and I use my words to process my feelings and then share those words on this blog, but I am still overwhelmed at how many comments and emails and messages I have received since sharing the news about Mason’s death.
- I’m grateful that Mason died on a Sunday when Dale and I were both home. I’m grateful that I had all day Friday and Saturday with him, that he spent time cuddled in my lap, that I showered him with love, that I petted him and talked to him and cared for him. And I didn’t do any of that because I thought he was going to die in a couple of days. I did all of that because that’s how I always was with him. I’m grateful that his death was a natural experience and not an accident (I spent a lot of time these last 17 years worrying about him sneaking out of this house and getting lost or hurt), or a debilitating illness that forced us to euthanize him. I’m grateful for our wonderful vet and the conversation I had with her on Monday. Her reassurance that nothing we did or didn’t do would have changed the outcome for Mason eased a lot of my feelings of guilt.
- I’m grateful for this grief. I’m weepy and sad but I’m grateful for my broken heart because it means I opened it up and accepted the love of a remarkable cat. I remember the day I brought him home. He was just a tiny thing and he rode on my shoulder in the car and we bonded during that car ride and I was overjoyed. But I also recognized that I was taking on a responsibility to care for this cat, that I was assuming a burden that at times might feel overwhelming, and that one day this little creature could break my heart. I’m so grateful that day came after many many years of providing him with a loving and wonderful home. I choose to be grateful for this grief because it’s a gift to love an animal the way that I loved him.
And there you have it. Gratitude and grief, inexplicably and inherently intertwined in my heart this week. It’s not easy but it’s life right now.
If you wrote a post for today I hope you’ll share you link below. Thanks for playing along.
What a beautiful post, Carole! I love how looking through the lens of gratitude can give you peace and joy (at least a little bit). Hugs!!
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing.
Michelle’s words have always been so perfect for where I am. Gratitude is not always easy to find, and the struggle to find it can be so hard. May your journey through your grief be full of support from loved ones, and overflowing with memories of Mason (exactly like the beautiful ones you shared here!)
Sending you much love, my friend. XO
“I choose to be grateful for this grief because it’s a gift to love an animal the way that I loved him.” Wow. This is beautiful and so true of my experience with my kitties too. I’m glad you had that time with Mason at the end. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I hope your tears and sadness begin to fade and you keep all the loving and lovely memories of Mason close to you. Sending you light and love.
Beautiful, Carole. Just beautiful. I continue to hold you in my heart. XOXO
You’ve been on my mind all week Carole. Thank-you for this post and I’m happy you were able to find what you needed through Michelle. xo
Absolutely beautiful and something for all of us to keep in mind. Thank you so much for sharing.
Your eloquent words were so touching. Your cat on the shoulder resonated for me but with a different animal. My dachshund, Ben, was a rescue. I had to go 50 miles to pick him up after a serious grilling of my intents, etc. My friend Kathy came with me but Ben insisted on riding on my shoulder as I drove—love at first sight. Ben is 14 now with lots of grey hair and lots of naps and lots of love. He sends his love for you and Mason.
Thank you for sharing Carole, I’ve thought of you many times this week. Your sadness and pain over losing Mason brought me to tears. I know they are only words but as they say time does hear…
I know you and Dale will cherish the memories of your sweet boy. Sending hugs from me and my boys – Frank and Leonard ox
Life is curious, isn’t it? How things like gratitude and grief can exist at the same time. But they do, as you’ve beautifully shared here. What a gift to have had such a special relationship with such a special cat.
(and thank you, thank you for the kindest of words for me) (sending you more hugs)
P.S. I just love the image of Mason, as a kitten, riding home in the car on your shoulder.
Beautifully written, Carole. I am grateful that you have gotten past the pain just enough to start remembering all the good things that you and Mason shared. I felt those sharp little kitty nails in my shoulder as I read this post! Mason will always be in your heart.
I am saddened to read about the loss of your pet…as Michelle said, I can just picture his riding on your shoulder as you were driving and bonding on that first day. Peace will be yours soon and as each day passes, you’ll remember with a smile on your face all the joy and love he brought and you two shared.
Oh, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mason. You’ve written a lovely post.
Being the caregiver of a geriatric animal can be a true challenge. Having been through it so many times, and always feeling guilty about how and when and if only I understand your pain. We never forget our dear best friends who have been with us through thick and thin over so many years. May you soon find peace in your heart that Mason was loved and he will always be in your heart.
What a beautiful post. I know how much you loved Mason, it was always apparent in the times I spent in your home and at the ocean. Ken and I both send our love. <3
A lovely post-I still tear up when we hang the ornament of our long since gone Rottweiler Jack on our tree every year. Our pets have a special place in our hearts.