Goodbye, Dear Friend

Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call – a scary phone call. The kind of phone call that changes your life. What I first heard was that my friend Debbie’s husband had been in a motorcycle accident. A bad one. I called Lois and then I called Sharon. And I braced myself for what I thought would be the worst – helping Debbie cope with whatever had happened to Steve. And then the phone rang again and I found out that it was actually Debbie who was in the accident. And she didn’t make it.

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My dear sweet beautiful friend was coming home from work on her motorcycle and she was hit by a gigantic SUV. She didn’t have a chance, according to what we’ve been told. It wasn’t long after getting the final phone call when Sharon and Lois and Wendy and our other friends were gathered on my deck. And then we all went together to Debbie’s house to offer what little comfort we could to Steve and the rest of Debbie’s family.

I’m trying to be strong but this is a new kind of grieving for me. I’ve lost both my parents and two brothers – one in a motorcycle accident twenty-four years ago. I’ve been to countless wakes and funerals over the years but the loss of a friend, a truly wonderful friend, is a new one for me. And she wasn’t just my friend, she was a friend to Dale and my whole family, too. We camped together and beached together and ate Chinese food together. She was on the beach with me the day I learned to knit. She read this blog and commented frequently. Debbie and her family came to our home every Christmas Eve and they were included in all of our family gatherings.

And every Wednesday night Debbie, Sharon, Wendy, Lois and I gathered to quilt, knit and chat. The five of us talked about everything – politics, religion, family, kids, work, happy things and sad things and scary things. We even joked about what our husbands would do with our stashes if something were to happen to one of us, not that we ever really considered that something actually would happen. Truly, nothing was off limits on our Wednesday nights and we forged an incredible bond with each other. And now one of us is violently, suddenly, just gone.

I feel like things are never going to be the same again.

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This Post Has 158 Comments

  2. oh god carole. i’m so sorry for your loss. that sounds so trite, i know. but know that i’m with you in my heart and that i’m mourning her too, even though i didn’t know her, but for you and her family.

    be well.

  3. Oh, Carole, I’m so sorry to hear about Debbie. My heart goes out to you and Dale, and to everyone who knew her. Losing a friend really is a different kind of loss.

  6. Carole – I haven’t commented for ages, but I just wanted to let you know I’m very sorry for the loss of your friend. I can only imagine how difficult this must be.

  9. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and Debbie’s family at this very difficult time.

  13. My heart breaks for you. I’ve never lost a friend and can only image the pain you’re going through. I’m hear for you any time. XOX

  14. I’m so sorry for this terrible loss, Carole, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. My deepest sympathies to you all.

  17. Oh, Carole, I am so terribly, achingly sorry for your loss. You, Dale, Debbie, and her family are in my prayers today and in the days to come.

  18. What a terrible tragedy. I’m glad though that you have a circle of friends with whom to mourn and celebrate your friend’s life.

  19. Oh my heavens, Carole. I cannot even begin to imagine the loss that Debbie’s family and all who Debbie touched are experiencing. Please know that I am holding you all close in my thoughts and prayers.

  21. I have to say the hardest losses for me have been the completely unexpected ones. I’m so sorry you’ve lost someone so dear. You’ll be in my thoughts.

  24. Oh Carole – I’m so very sorry…sounds like you shared such a wonderful friendship. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and her family.

  25. Oh Carole, I’m so sorry. I’ll be keeping you and all who knew Debbie in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

  26. Sudden unexpected loss it perhaps the hardest- no opportunities for good-byes. I’m so, so sorry to hear about Debbie’s death and what this loss means to you, her family and all who knew her. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Let me know if there’s anything that I can do!

  27. Oh Carole. I am so, so sorry to hear about this, so sorry that you’ve lost such a wonderful friend. My deepest sympathies to all of you.

  29. Carole, I’m so very, very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. My heart goes out to you and Dale and to Debbie’s other friends and family. *hug*

  34. I’m going to come out of lurkdom for this one. . . I just can’t let this go without expressing my sympathy on the loss of a friend who sounds so dear to you that she truly was part of your family. My thoughts are with you.

  36. I have tears in my eyes as I read. I just cannot even imagine yours, your friends and Debbie’s family’s loss. I am so sorry you have lost such a wonderful friend, all of you will be in my thoughts.

  37. What an incredibly shocking loss. I am so sorry, for you and your friends, and for Debbie’s family. You are all in my prayers.

  43. I’m SO sorry Carole…I can’t begin to put my thoughts into words. Six years ago I lost my best friend in an accident (not motorcycle), the only thing I could say at her wake was this:
    “No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why…”

  45. I’m so, so sorry to hear about your friend Carole. I know that not much I can say can really comfort you in this time, but know that she’ll always be with you, just not in the way that you are used to and that you and Debbie’s family are in my thoughts.

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