Monday On My Mind
I was talking with a mental health professional last week and mentioned how I feel sort of . . . blah. I’m not motivated to do much of anything lately, and I don’t just mean the things I have to do, like working and exercising, but even the things I like to do, like reading and knitting, are leaving me feeling indifferent.
I liken it to the letdown feeling you have after a major event. You know those things you plan and plan for and look forward to for months and then when they are over you are left feeling meh. A little blue, a little at odds about what to do next. It’s not as serious as depression but it’s definitely a feeling of malaise and perhaps even indifference. The weird thing is, I thought I’d feel full of hope and excitement right now. Dale and I are both fully vaccinated. We have taken a mini vacation, we have gathered with friends, we feel able to let our guard down a bit. These are all amazing things but they aren’t enough to break this funk that I’m in.
Turns out, according to my friend, I’m not alone. She stated that many, many of her clients have been reporting these same feelings for the last few weeks. Our conversation inspired me to do some research and I think, after doing some reading online, that what so many of us are experiencing right now is fall out from the emotions and anxiety surrounding the pandemic. For over a year we were so concerned with keeping ourselves healthy, with staying home and meeting only on zoom, with entertaining ourselves with Animal Crossings and binging television shows, and being hyper focused on staying safe. And all of that vigilance took energy and effort. It was exhausting but we didn’t allow ourselves space to feel exhausted because we had to keep repeating the same things, day after day, and there just wasn’t time to stop and think about how it made us actually feel. Now that we can relax a bit, the trauma that we experienced due to the anxiety surrounding the pandemic is starting to show itself. The adrenaline rush of flight or fight is over and we’re left with having to cope with all of those feelings we (maybe) ignored. And coping with feelings? Also exhausting. No wonder so many of us are feeling unmotivated.
The other day, when I was riding my Peloton (yes, I still do it even though I feel uninspired), one of the songs that played was Lean On Me. And the lyrics really resonated with me . . . we all have pain, we all have sorrow . . . lean on me when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on . . . For, it won’t be long till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on. Goodness knows, the pandemic taught us how much we all need each other. Maybe now . . . now that we can gather . . . now that we feel more safe . . . now that we can start to process what we’ve been through . . . maybe now is when we realize that leaning on each other is the key to moving out of this pandemic funk.
I know I’m willing to give it a shot and I hope you are, too.
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This funk so many of us are in has an official name. It is called “languishing.” Languishing is said to be in between actual depression and happiness.
Americans are usually busy being rugged individualists instead of leaning on one another. And yet, leaning on one another and willingly showing a bit of vulnerability is what holds our “village” together. I’m hoping to remember that going forward.
Yes, there are definitely glimmers of hope and I’m happy about that. But there are also places where things are still dire, and it’s not just in India, but also Canada and much of Europe. Because things are improving here, they should be celebrated, but we also have to be aware of variants and poor economic recovery. I’m not sure I’m exactly in a funk, just still being vigilant and hoping for the best. I may be more of a pessimist than an optimist, but I prefer to think of it as being a realist. (And sometimes you just have to fake it ’til you make it. Keep riding!)
I know that feeling well. It seems like we were so vigilant for so long and we should’ve had some big breakthrough — like we’re waiting for someone to say “It’s over!” and have it be so. And we’re just not getting that moment. Honestly, I think one of the reasons we’ve been hit so hard is because we aren’t a communal society where we do what is best for everyone as a group. Maybe (I hope!) we’ll learn to do it now that we’ve seen just how harmful it can be to put individuals first. In the meantime, know that you’re not alone in what you’re feeling!
I read that same article as Mary that describes this feeling as languishing, and I think that is a perfect descriptor. Keep riding, stay vigilant, and one day this feeling will disappear, I think. I am really exhausted with all that has gone on this past year+, even is I am grateful that things are improving. I’m “languishing”.
I am nodding to much of this, Carole. It is almost as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop… holding my breath, certain that there is something not good just around the corner. It is hard to move past that, but sharing our thoughts and feelings are exactly what we need! (like maybe we should have a “recovery Tuesday” or something!)
I have been feeling a little out of sorts lately. It really bothered me yesterday when we finally went out to lunch with family and friends and I found it hard to engage in conversation (which I have never experienced before.) It felt wonderful to be out and I had a great time but I know I was struggling. I just hope as time goes on I will feel more myself. Great song for today.
I’m dealing with similar feelings and I read that NYT article about languishing yesterday. I’m going out for a casual dinner with a couple of friends I haven’t seen since last March. It will be the first time in a restaurant for us since last March and I thought I would be more excited about it. I think you are right about the exhaustion piece of it. Thanks for those song lyrics, they will remind me that we will help each other through this!
yep. Pantsuit Politics had an amazing episode on Friday about moving forward. https://www.pantsuitpoliticsshow.com/show-archives/2021/5/7/we-are-driven-to-do-the-right-thing It’s probably still going to be my Thinking about on Friday because I am still thinking about it! One bit really stuck with me – that if we (post-vaccinated folks) keep acting the same way we did all of last year (wearing masks outside especially), we are saying “I don’t trust my neighbor and I don’t trust the CDC”. whoa. I do not want to be that person!
Another voice to say I am there too Carole. I was thinking that we need to reframe our expectations. We are not going to get back to how it was before because this virus is going to be round for awhile. And honestly, it is exhausting to keep trying to figure how what to do and not do.
Working on it . . .
(Some REAL spring weather might help.)
XOXO
Another “victim” of languishing here. Read the NYT article on the subject, and it almost perfectly described the feelings of lack of focus and motivation that I’ve been experiencing for months now. Hoping the better weather and the activities I can participate in now that I’m fully vaccinated will make a difference.
Carole, this post could not have come at a better time. It resonated so much with my current state and had been wondering myself what on Earth is happening? Very little energy, tired ALL the time and just so unmotivated. Granted it does not help running in 50 directions at one time with 3 children in sports and other activities that keep us on the move literally EVERY day. There really is just something missing right now and all of this makes complete sense. So thank you for shedding light on this and helping me to feel just a “little” less crazy.
Have a wonderful day!
-Sandi
I feel exactly the same way. Even though my husband and I are fully vaccinated, I keep thinking that I will feel better when more and more people are also fully vaccinated and the terror of last year will diminish as they do. Let’s hope so.