I continue to work with my word, story, as I work on discovering my authentic self. I realize that sounds a bit . . . pretentious or perhaps just trendy but I truly feel like thinking about my story has helped me to realize not just the things that have made me who I am but also understand that I have the power to let those things go. Because, really, the things that have happened to me are just . . . stories now. I’m not still going through the trauma of those things, at this point they truly are just stories of things that happened once upon a time.
In trying to work through this and heal some of those things, the other day I did a meditation exercise where I envisioned my current self going back to my previous selves and offering comfort and assurance that all would be ok. It sounds a little silly in the telling of it but in the moment it felt pretty powerful. I visited the little girl who saw constant fights between her brother and stepfather. I put my arms around her and told her that it would get better. I visited the teenage girl who sat up in bed the night the police came to the door with the news of her brother’s motorcycle accident. I knelt by the side of that bed and told her she would survive this news. I whispered in the ear of the young bride who was walking down the aisle, sure she was making a mistake, that choosing love is never a mistake even when it results in hurt and divorce. I put my head on the shoulder of the 31 year old who was standing at the grave of her oldest brother, afraid to leave him there in the cold, and told her he would always be with her. I watched her be led away from the grave by her soon to be husband, Dale, and saw him comfort her in the way she had always wanted but had never gotten before then. I saw the 32 year old who had just lost her mom crying and unable to get out of bed. I told her that it was okay to lean in to her feelings of grief, that they wouldn’t consume and destroy her, and that accepting them was the only way to get through them and come out on the other side. When I felt like I had visited all of those former Caroles, the ones who were hurt and disappointed and scared, I pictured my current self gathering them all in my arms and showing them my life as it is now. Showing them the love I found with Dale, the family that surrounds me, the home that gives me shelter and comfort, the friends and community and support that I experience every day, and I said it’s okay because this is what we have now. I said you are safe and you are loved and those things that happened are in the past.
Did it make the pain go away? Did it dissolve the trauma and grief? Of course not. But did it help? Did it feel like healing? Absolutely. My story is made up of all of the moments of my life, including the traumatic ones, but the good ones and the love, oh the love, it overpowers them all.
This is powerful. It’s easy for us to imagine the lovely life you write about now is how it’s always been, but every one of us has a story that we don’t often tell. You are brave to do this and braver still to share. I’m sorry to hear about the pain, loss, and hurt that have been in the past but very glad that love and healing are your story now.
Powerful.
Wow! I love this. So brave and honest.
Beautiful….simply beautiful. <3
This is so powerful. Bonny is right that we all have things we keep hidden for a variety of reasons – you are so brave to do this. Your words have made an impact on me. Thank you for sharing, Carole.
What a lovely post. Thank you for being so open and transparent. Sharing your story is such a gift to all who visit here.
With your newly found ability to heal from your own story you now have the superpower to help others heal from their story as well as yours. This One Word has given you more than all the others put together. You are a strong and powerful woman, Carole. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.
Amazing, Beautiful, Powerful, Brave. Thank you for sharing.
I don’t think I can say anything better than what Margene said. You are an amazing person and bring so much to others. You help give us a better story. xo
What you’ve written here is so amazing, Carole. I’m not sure that we ever truly heal from trauma or stop grieving for those we’ve lost, but gaining this kind of perspective and self-awareness can perhaps be even more powerful.
Beautiful, Carole! Thank you.
So beautifully written! Thank you so much for sharing. Reading someone else’s story helps others (me!) deal with trauma, just knowing that others would understand. You are brave, you are smart and you are very much appreciated.
What a brave and powerful post.
Thank you for sharing
Hugs!
Oh, Carole. What a beautiful, beautiful post. I’m totally verklempt here. All the love to you! XO
What a powerful journey you’re taking, Carole … and thank you for trusting us with your story!