Randy’s Story
Friends. On Friday my story, and the story of my family, was altered in a devastating and crushing way. My brother-in-law Randy took his own life. To say that Dale and I are bereft is not enough. To say that we are hurt and confused is inadequate. At this moment in time our anguish knows no limits.
Dale and I were on our way to a Christmas party when Dale’s cell phone rang and he missed the call. It was Mary, Randy’s wife, and Dale handed the phone to me and asked me to call her back since he was driving. She was crying when she answered and said she needed us and then told me what had happened. And then I had to tell my beloved husband, the person I love most in the world, that his brother was dead. Following that I was also the one who told Jessica and Hannah and then Dale’s sister Lisa. To deliver that news, to say those words, and know that when I did I would be inflicting horrible pain on the people I love, broke me into a million pieces.
Since then I have been trying to understand how Randy got to this point. And I just can’t get there. A friend told me Saturday that it’s a gift that suicide is a struggle I don’t know and something I can’t understand. I know she’s right but my heart still wants to comprehend what caused Randy to lose all hope. He had been dealing with anxiety and some serious health issues due to tick borne illnesses for a while but I never once thought that he was depressed or that he might consider his struggles something he couldn’t overcome with time, health care, and the love and support of his wife, family and friends. To face the fact that he was overwhelmed with pain and didn’t share that with those closest to him is unbelievably grim.
Randy was a gifted writer, a talented artist, an accomplished musician, and an avid outdoorsman. He was wise and wonderful and taught me so much about hunting and fishing, birds and nature, simple living and finding joy in the smallest moments. I can hear his laugh and see him grinning when he told a funny story or scared my kids with stories of the woozle that lived in the walls of his house. He was the head of this family in so many ways and I know we’ve only just begun to comprehend the gigantic hole created by his death.
We spent the weekend together as a family, sharing stories and tears, being comforted by the presence of very close friends who brought food and flowers and consoled us as best they could. I talked with Mary yesterday about sharing Randy’s story and she was very clear that people need to know the truth about Randy’s death. We need to talk about mental health issues. We need to know the warning signs and watch for them. Believe me when I tell you that if this could happen in my family then it could happen in any family.
For those of you who have been inquiring, a memorial service will be planned for a later time.
Randy told me once that I was a good writer. It’s a compliment that meant so very much to me at the time and I’m grateful for that memory. I wish he could read these words and know how important, special, and loved he really was.
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Carole, my deepest sympathies to you, Dale and your family as you remember your brother in law and struggle to understand his decision. May you all find peace one day and feel comfort in memories you share.
The family’s bravery to share Randy’s story is a gift to the man he is, the family who loved him and the Community who enjoyed him. Your words will give strength to the family as they move forward holding onto their grief, loss and love of Randy. Praying for you all.
You are a good writer. You’re an amazing writer, person, friend, wife, mother and so much more. I’m so sorry you and your family have been crushed. Sending love and hugs.
Oh, Carole, I am so very sorry. I understand how confusing (and for me, angering) losing a loved one to suicide is. Thank you for sharing Randy’s story and helping to destigmatize discussions around mental health. My love to you and your family.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to share this story, but I know that in sharing it you’ll help ease the pain and confusion and anger that surrounds suicide. My heart is broken for all of you, but most for Randy who lost track of how much you all loved him and would have helped him.
He reached further than anyone can know. I didn’t know him personally , but his words and music touched me through the years. Prayers to his whole family.
No words. A terrible thing no matter when it occurs but especially awful at this time of year.
So sorry to hear this! Wishing you and your family all the strength you need.
This is always just the worst news. The mind is powerful and sometimes it lies to us in the most awful ways about things that leave us in unimaginable despair. I’m so sorry this is now a part of the story of your family. Know the depth of your grief is a reflection of your love and that Randy lived with that love, too. My deepest sympathies to you and all who loved Randy.
Carole,
I am so for your heartbreak amidst the pain of incomprehension. I know all too well the sorrow you all must sit with and the unanswered questions you will now navigate as those were mine, two Valentine’s Days ago, when my nephew took his own life at age 26. One wants to believe that once kids survive the teenage angst years and the crazy college antics that surely our loved ones are “safely” ensconced in adulthood… not so, nor at any age.
Your sister-in-law is brave as she is wise; we need to know that all of us are living and loving people who struggle. Their struggles, as are ours, real and at times all-consuming.
I am keeping you close to my heart this day, my ol’ chum. I wish you and Dale and your extended family eventual peace as you seek comfort from rich memories of special moments spent with Randy.
Such a huge wonderful part of lives from Cub Scouts to this
Minute. We are at your service.
Ken and Jeannine.
Carole , from Randy’s heart to your hands he has sent to you through him and Mary the story that needs to be told. Thank Mary (I do not know her) but people need to know so they can help others
This is a beautifully written tribute to a man so many people in town got to know and love. He will be missed by so many people for so many different reasons. Our hearts go out to the entire Julius family now and you will kept in our prayers in hope that his legacy carrys on and that his spirit will continue to live through the memories and stories and photos and knowledge that he shared with our little town for so long
So sorry for your loss.
So sorry to hear this. My condolences to the family ..
My heart breaks for you all. XO
Thank you (and Mary, especially) for sharing Randy’s story. We never know what others are dealing with, contemplating, struggling through — even those we love and know well.
I will hold you all in my heart. May you find peace and comfort from the love around you.
XOXO
Carole this is a lovely tribute to Randy, clearly written by someone who loves him. I am so sorry for your loss, and you and all of your family will be in my prayers.
I don’t know that you can ever understand someone’s reasons for suicide, or that warning signs are always obvious. In my experience, you just want them to know you loved them, and will miss them. I’m sure that Randy knows. And for whatever was happening with him, I’m glad he is a peace.
I hope your family will be able to honor him by continuing to love each other as much as it’s clear that you already do.
Take care.
Oh Carole. I just want to hug you all. I don’t understand it either. You did mention tick borne illness – that can have neurological effects. There probably weren’t many warning signs. It could have just been something that just short circuited and never could have been detected. I hope the love and prayers from everyone help you all get through this one day at a time. Sending you love and light…… and may Randy Rest In Peace.
Carole and Dale,
Katie sent this to me, I am stunned and deeply saddened. I always looked forward to his column in the Enterprise. Stories about the outdoors that he loved with His Mary, beloved dogs, and family and friends. No matter where I was he transported me to a beautiful and peaceful place. I often ran into him on the water in his Lund. One time at a remote boat ramp on the Penobscot in Maine.
He once did an article on me and best fishing buddy Lars Pearson , he ended it with Lars favorite saying, “every day fishing adds a day to your life.” How we all laughed about that..
As a Vietnam Vet I have lost many friends in a similar way, sometimes the inner struggles can’t be resolved. Hope this is a call for everyone to be vigilant. I believe he and Lars May be fishing in Heaven right now.
Peace to the memory of this wonderful man.
Tom B
My heart breaks for you and your family. Sending you all a sense of peace as you struggle to understand.
My heart aches for you, Dale and Randy’s family. I am so sorry.
So very sorry to hear the loss of Randy, I had the pleasure of knowing him through the years of playing on the common and them playing at my 50th Birthday Party! I will forever hold that memory! R.I.Paradise…
Carole we are so very sorry to hear this. Sending you, Dale and the rest of the family, love, hugs and prayers.
My heart is breaking for you and your family, and know that you are surrounded my love. Trying to understand a loss like this shakes you to the core, and raises so many questions. Thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Oh Carole, my heart breaks for you, for Dale and for all the people who knew and loved Randy. I’m glad you have so many friends and family near and far to lift you up. xxoo, Mary
I am so sorry for you and your family in this grief-filled time, but glad you could all be together to comfort each other. For those of us who don’t cross that bridge over into deciding to end their life, it is unthinkable. My birth family experienced the tragedy of my brother losing his fiancé to suicide three decades ago. After the initial grief, I decided to get training in suicide intervention, with the hope that I would learn to recognize the subtle cues to another person’s pain being too unbearable, in time to help them get help. Your SIL is wise to share openly- we humans tend to be overly optimistic, and sharing the picture of a wonderful man who could still be so tormented is a reminder to us all to be more vigilant and watch out for each other. Wish I was closer so I could bring a hug and some home cooking.
Carole – such a hard loss for your whole family. Praying some moments of light and peace for you all.
So very sorry to hear this news. I never had the opportunity to know Randy, but after reading your words and the comments of others, I can only imagine the pain and heartbreak you are all experiencing as you come to terms of your lives without Randy…
praying for you, Dale and the whole family. Peace to you all ??
Judy and I are so sorry to hear. We were at a memorial service that acknowledges my brother and my mom, also Charlie Blanchette goes for his dad and his mom always attended. When I didn’t see her there I asked Charlie to find out she passed last June. Charlie told us about Randy. We thought it was a complication from the tick bite.
We can’t pour out enough condolences to fill the void.
We will just have to keep him alive forever in our hearts.
Darryl and Judy
I am so very sorry for this horrific and terrible loss. Sending light, love, and hopefully eventual peace to you and your whole family. Thank you for sharing Randy’s story as you struggle to understand; this has happened in many families that aren’t able to tell their stories, but sharing Randy’s life and death will help people understand the importance of mental health. Holding you, Dale, and Mary in my heart.
Ken and I are so sorry. Thinking of you all.
Dearest Carole,
Thank you for sharing this story. It is an important one. There have to be many of us who know this pain and it is so important to share. I, too, lost a family member to a suicide that was unimaginable. To this day we have no idea how he got to that place as there were no warning signs that any of us saw. The grief is hard to overcome as there is so much guilt, but there is no way to know Randy’s pain and what drove him. My heart is with you. Smith and I send hugs and love to you both. Know we love you.
Margene
Carole, I am so sorry. My sympathy to you and your family.
I’m still in shock! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and Dale and the entire Julius family. Carole it does take a brave family to talk about suicide. I too have had a loved one commit suicide in September 2018 The hurt eases somewhat the pain never goes away. The love for that person never fades. I have so many memories of camping with Julius family and will treasure them always
RIP Randy you will be missed
I have no words at all to help make sense of the senseless, but I am sending so much love to you and Dale and all those who loved Randy. You will all be in my thoughts over the coming days, weeks, and months as you all move forward with this huge hole in your lives. XO
It is so difficult to comprehend when someone takes their own life. My heart goes out to Dale, you and all the family. There may be something that will come to light in time, but now it is time to remember the Randy you knew and loved so much!!
Oh, Carole. I am so, so sorry. What devastating news. Sending love to your family.
That was beautifully written. From someone who was almost at that point, its hard for us to reach out. We feel we are a burden to all and this is the best way. I am glad I was able to get help in time. I am so sad Randy was not. Mental Health issues are real. Love to you all.
I am so sorry but also so grateful and thankful you can be true to Randy and what has happened to all of you. May you have peace in the celebration of his life.
What a crushing loss. And how amazing that you and your family are willing to share. You’ll save lives.
It’s only normal to look within and wonder what signs we may have missed when a loved one passes by suicide. I truly believe you could not have loved, supported, or cherished Randy more. And I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling and for the path in front of you as you assume your new roles (the roles you never imagined) as survivors of suicide.
When you and your family are ready, I encourage you to read the NCBI study on suicide and its link to tick-borne diseases. Based on what you’ve shared, it sounds like your brother-in-law may have suffered a less common, but very real, result of Lyme and associated diseases (LAD). This category of illnesses creates metabolic and immune changes that develop into psychiatric symptoms. The CDC has identified an increase in suicide among sufferers of tick-borne diseases.
Science aside, my prayers for you and your family: That you never blame yourselves, that you allow yourself to feel and process every emotion that surfaces, and most of all, something you’ve already begun: that you honor and remember Randy for all the days that he lived, and not for a moment in time when the unthinkable became reality.
I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you strength in the coming days. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Carole. We haven’t seen one another since high school, and I’m glad for FB to connect with old childhood friends. I’m so sorry to hear of your brother-in-law. My sister’s friend recently lost her sister to a horrible struggle with Lyme disease in the same way as your brother-in-law. It’s a debilitating neurological and painful illness to endure. Wishing him eternal peace and your family healing.
I am so very sorry for your loss, he is a loved member of this community, wishing your family the love and support needed during lifes most difficult momements.
I am so very sorry. It’s been over 40 years since Rusty’s mother took her own life and he and his brother are still grappling with questions that will never be answered. Heartbreaking.
I am so very sorry Carole. Holding you, Dale, Mary and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.
My deepest condolences to you and Dale and your entire family, Carole. Hoping you can find some small comfort in the all the thoughts and prayers that are with you. ?
So sorry for all the Family going through this together. I grew up with Luke and Jessica,knowing how happy and Strong the whole family is. Puts a smile on everyones faces. The impact the family has on us all is amazing. So in those memories for family and all are forever impacted on us. Thinking of you all. Stay Strong for Randy he wants you to remember the happiness he provided. ?
My heart goes out to you and Dale and his entire family. This kind of loss is incomprehensible and so very sad. Mary is right though, honesty and sharing can help so many others, even if understanding never comes. I’m hoping that you can find some peace in the coming months.
i spoke with randy several weeks ago and he told me about the health challenges he was facing as a result of the tick born illness he had contracted.he seemed fairly upbeat at the time. he told me he would call me when he started writing his outdoor column again. i am numb right now and have no words to offer other than our family is much smaller because of this devastating loss. i will see you all very soon and will share some of my randy stories with you. we’ll laugh (and cry) together over them.my prayers go out to our whole family.may God grant us all comfort and healing at this terrible time. with love, cousin bob
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for sharing your story to openly and honestly. We need to bring these stories into the light to make it more normal to talk about. Sending prayers of comfort to you, Dale and your family.