Today I am joining with Honoré and sharing an update on my journey with my 2020 One Little Word, Open.
I chose this word late last summer during a guided meditation. Part of the meditation was to visualize a box and see what was inside. When I did this the word Open floated up out of the box. At the time that I chose it I had one specific thing in mind: Hannah’s wedding plans. I haven’t talked about it here at all but Hannah and her fiance Mikey are planning to get married in August of 2021. It will be a super small wedding. In Iceland.
Friends. This is not even close to anything I ever dreamed for my girlie’s wedding. And accepting and adjusting to the fact that this is her dream has been challenging for me. Of course I understand that it’s their wedding and it’s about their dreams and not mine. But I’m her mom and I’ve pictured what her wedding would be like many, many times and it sure wasn’t in Iceland. And it certainly wasn’t without us being surrounded by lots of family and friends. So the word Open was initially about being open to this destination wedding. And beyond that being open to ideas that aren’t my own and dreams that don’t match the ones I’ve had. I’ve made a lot of progress on this front, Hannah and I have had some heart-to-heart talks about what this wedding will look like and how it will work and I have definitely found myself being more open to the whole thing.
But this word. Oh, this word. I feel like each time I make progress with it the universe throws something else at me to challenge me.
You are good now with your daughter’s wedding plans? Great. How about coping with a pandemic.
You are acknowledging your feelings surrounding the pandemic and actually enjoying being at home with your husband and your daily routine? Awesome. How about your husband gets hit by a car?
The lessons in dealing with Dale’s accident are new and changing every day. The overarching one, though, the one I picked up on almost immediately, was that I need to be open to accepting help. Help in handling the work that Dale usually did that is falling on me. (I’m looking at you, heavy ceramic containers that need to be filled with plants and placed on the deck.) Help in coping with the trauma and emotional fall out of this experience. Help in the form of food and gifts and flowers from our friends and neighbors.
Learning to be open to help is a tough lesson for me as I tend to view accepting help as a form of weakness. Despite that, though, I am seeing that allowing people to help me is actually an action of strength, for it takes strength to say I need help with this.
Being open to help is a whole new world for me and I’m seeing the benefits of it daily. But if the universe decides that this is the last big lesson I need to get from this word I’d be okay with that.