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In Da House!

I have a story for you. It’s a funny, although slightly disturbing, story. Allow me to set the scene. Monday night we were just about to sit down to our weekly family dinner – the one where Jess and Patrick join us. I had set the table with a tablecloth and candles in celebration of the upcoming Valentine’s Day and I had made a slightly fancier meal than normal. Dale was helping me put the chicken with mushroom sauce on the serving platter when I heard Jess, who was in the living room say:

Dad. Squirrel.

The two of us ran into the living and sure enough there was a SQUIRREL sitting on the arm of the couch. Dale immediately grabbed the dog (who was sound asleep in front of the wood stove, about 3 feet from the intruder – some watch dog) and instructed Jessica to put him outside. At this point I am in a panic and yelling, “Where’s the cat?!? Where’s the cat?!?”

The squirrel took one look at all of us and jumped down off the couch and turned to run up the stairs. That’s when I heard the cat hiss at this squirrel louder than I have ever heard Mason hiss before. And then he literally knocked the squirrel back down the stairs. The squirrel tore back into the living room, raced up the wall, jumped on the wood stove, raced into the dining room, the bathroom, the office . . . you get the idea.

In the meantime I shut the door between the living room and stairway and went to find the cat. I was quite anxious to make sure that he hadn’t been hurt by the squirrel. And he was absolutely fine. He was pumped, quite frankly! He had defended his turf and he was proud and he was strutting around the upstairs.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the living room door the squirrel continued to race around the house. Patrick was in the kitchen by himself when the squirrel suddenly came running in there. Poor Patrick – he ran through the kitchen, through the dining room, through the living room and up the stairs before he even stopped to look around. The poor little dude was really frightened and I felt so bad. I calmed him down and we went downstairs and I opened the door a crack to see what was going on.

Are you ready? The squirrel was still in the kitchen, perched on top of a curtain rod. Dale was standing in the dining room/kitchen doorway brandishing my grandfather’s Masonic sword at the squirrel. He used the sword to jab at the squirrel and finally got him to run out the kitchen door. My hero.

After a lovely dinner Dale and I went searching to figure out how the squirrel got into the house. Turns out he either fell down or climbed down one of our chimneys (we have 3) and then popped open the chimney plate that was covering an old opening in the chimney from when there was a coal stove or something in the guest room on the second floor. I think the cat must have been right there when the squirrel landed in the house and that’s why the little rodent came running downstairs the way he did. Go Mason!

So, the hole has been blocked and the chimney will be getting a wire covering. Thank Maude we were home when this happened. I shudder to think about what could have happened to Mason and Dixie had we not been there.

Let me just say that I’ve never been frightened by a squirrel. They hang out at the bird feeders and I see them outside and I never give them a passing thought. But when one is in your house? Holy crap is that scary! At least I got a good story for the blog.

Freakin’ squirrels.

This Post Has 83 Comments

  1. All we get up and down our chimneys are wasps and snakes (I fixed the snake problem with a couple bricks and the cats eat the wasps). Squirrels are much more exciting – especially if you get to chase them around with swords!

  2. Poor Patrick!

    Good thing Dale and Mason can both think on their feet. Now please tell us about the chicken in mushroom sauce. Not that I cook or anything…

  3. I would have been freaked out too. Kind of like the time my cat Murphy brought a snake into the house. Or the time he brought a live bird into the house . . . .

  4. We had a bat in our house flying around once. (Turns out the neighbors had just sealed the bats out of their house, so all these bats were homeless.) Anyway, we’re not afraid of bats, but I didn’t want one zooming around over my head while I slept, so I helf up a big sheet to block off the upstairs and Mom tried to block him out of the kitchen with a towel, except she kept ducking when he came near her and getting by. Finally Dad caught the bat in the curtain and let him out outside, but I had cramps in my stomach from laughing so hard at my Mom.

  5. We’ve got one of those little guys in our house. He ate through the screen on the garage window to get to the birdseed we had stashed there. We closed the window, he ate through the window frame! With winter, he came into the walls of the house. The other night, I heard him in the kitchen. I kept turning on the vent fan to scare him off so I could sleep, but every time I turned it off, he returned. Eventually, I turned on the vent light and he stayed away. We trapped him in the garage the next day, but he has a buddy I saw in the garage today…. sounds like we will have a battle. The dogs keep them from being very visible in the house…we don’t have a sword to brandish at them. I like the visual!

  6. I once found a squirrel in our bread drawer eating Hostess Ho-Ho’s. He’d been doing it for quite some time but we kids had been getting blamed for it. It took me catching him in the act to get us all off the hook. I hate squirrels.

  7. Oh my good gosh. That is completely HILARIOUS!! Thank goodness your animals are okay and it wasn’t anything crazier than a funny story. Reminds me of when we’d get a bat in the house at my grandparents. heh Oh the memories. 🙂

  8. OMG – I laughed so hard I peed my pants! Yea for Mason – what a cat! That squirrel could have made mincemeat out of your belongings had you not been there!!! Too funny – and glad it was just that – and that no harm came to you, the others, and especially the four-footed ones…

    Hey, did you see that the adorable beagle won at Westminster last night…his name is UNO…and he is so cute!!!

  9. Yea Mason! It’s a funny story to tell now, but I’m sure it was scary for all of you to experience. Your family dinners are exciting!

    The only experience I have with unwanted animals in my home, is possums. There’s a mommy who liked to come give birth every summer under our deck and one evening one of her babies walked into the house and hid under the recliner. I guess that’s what I get for leaving the patio door open.

  10. ever since high school, when squirrels invaded my mother’s roof and woke me up all summer chewing on the roof, we have been mortal enemies. my dad would shoot them with the BB gun to try and scare them off, and you could hear the BBs bouncing off their thick skulls. since i don’t actively try to kill them, i suppose i’m not much of a mortal enemy, but they are never cute and no tears are shed for roadkill squirrels. luckily we don’t have squirrels in alaska, just chipmunks with long tails and no stripes. my brother got me a t-shirt for christmas that says “squirrels – nature’s little speed bumps.” i think that sums it up. glad you got rid of yours fairly painlessly.

  11. I would have loved to seen Dale with the sword – hey maybe a reenactment is in order 🙂

    Thanks for the giggle, and I’m glad your all safe and sound.

  12. Too funny. In our last office, we had squirrels running around above the drop ceiling tiles. There is nothing funnier than watching six tech guys trying to herd a squirrel toward an opening in the ceiling, and deciding who would stick his head up there to see where it was.

    When my current boss was applying for her job, the squirrel climbed down the blinds in front of the Vice President’s window during the interview. The VP finally caught it in a trash can and we relocated it outside. The landlord patched the hole in the roof. Two days later the squirrel was in the ceiling again.

  13. Good thing you were home! It could be related to the Harlot’s and made off with all your fiber!
    That beats my pigeon on the bus, almost wipe out Springfields transits buses story, hands down.
    And Mason .. good going buddy! He deserves all the treats you can give him.

  14. Oh, lordy, that’s funny! We had a squirrel in our house once, years ago, and my biggest regret was that I was in London at the time and didn’t see the hijinks. They thought it was a bird in the chimney, and two fellows had come over from Dad’s office to help take care of it. They opened the chimney flue and the squirrel ran out. Mom and Jilly (our mini-dachshund) both FLEW down the hallway, terrified, while Bobby and George fell over themselves laughing and my Dad calmly opened the glass slider and let the squirrel outside. It took longer to calm my mother down than to take care of the squirrel. And, Jilly? Apparently it was a couple days before she would go sit in the family room and relax again!

  15. It probably wasn’t funny at the time, but I’m LMAO here. Speaking of pumped cats, I’ll have to tell the story of Ed and my sister’s dog sometime. (Short version: they had a disagreement. Ed won.)

  16. Oh, this is CLASSIC! Ha! And good for Mason, earning his keep like that! 😉

    Sure wish there was a picture of Dale and the sword, though. Maybe you could do a re-enactment? 😉

  17. Ok…I’m soooooo late in reading this – but better late than never! What a fantastic story! and whooo-baby! GO MASON! I can see him strutting his pride now (all Siamese do it the same way, dontcha know?)
    I’m glad you got the critter out. I’d have been worried about the pets, too!

  18. Thank you for the warning — we just moved to a squirrel-laden neighborhood, big black ones and bigger grays. They bounce by along the top of the fences all day long and sway with the wind way up in the trees.

    I will be more careful about leaving the patio doors open, and I’ll take a look at our chimney. It’s just a gas fireplace, and the chimney is this little aluminum box/vent thingy about shoulder height outside the house. If a squirrel did come through it, he would end up on display behind the glass, among the gas logs, but I’m not sure how we’d get him out. Hmmm. Again, thanks for the warning!

  19. Forgot those dogs for watching anything. It is the Siamese who is the best watch animal of them all. Mimi loves to harass the squirrels in the yard by sitting underneath the tree. And trust me when I say that the squirrels are afraid of her. So Mason was just being smart and defending his house. Too bad he forgot to tell the humans to do their part.

    But I like that your first though was where was Mason.

  20. Great story, good of Mason to stand up for himself. You were lucky to be home at the time. Last year I read a story in a British newspaper about a squirrel that entered a house through the chimney, when the owners were on holiday. The damage amounted to 20,000 pounds!!!

    Happy knitting,

    Willemtje (a fellow knitter), the Netherlands

  21. Great story, good of Mason to stand up for himself. You were lucky to be home at the time. Last year I read a story in a British newspaper about a squirrel that entered a house through the chimney, when the owners were on holiday. The damage amounted to 20,000 pounds!!!

    Happy knitting,

    Willemtje (a fellow knitter), the Netherlands

  22. Great story, good of Mason to stand up for himself. You were lucky to be home at the time. Last year I read a story in a British newspaper about a squirrel that entered a house through the chimney, when the owners were on holiday. The damage amounted to 20,000 pounds!!!

    Happy knitting,

    Willemtje (a fellow knitter), the Netherlands

  23. And yet, not one picture! haha! 😀
    I am laughing so hard (you know, it’s easy to laugh when you know the ending is happy) and it reminds me of the squirrel in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. You even had family over for dinner!

  24. Great story. I was hoping you’d say the squirrel ended up on Dale’s back without him knowing, a la Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation. But the truth is funny enough!

    Love Patrick’s sweater, by the way. Beautiful.

  25. ROFL – sounds like a scene from my childhood. If it wasn’t squirrels or chipmunks it was bats. Though, my mom liked to lay on the floor and scream, “GET IT!” to my father, who’s weapon of choice is to this day a tennis racquet. ;o)

    Go Dale and Mason! Defenders of the House! ;o)

  26. we don’t have squirrels here in Oz and so to us they’re just cute … is all the panic because of possible rabies ? – which we also don’t have here – or some other reason??

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