Happy Birthday To My Mom

Today, June 10th, would have been my mom’s 84th birthday. It’s strange to think of her as 84 since she was only 66 when she died. I mean, I work with people in their 80s all the time at the Council on Aging, so I know what women in their 80s are like, but picturing my mom at that age? Difficult. Then again, I was only 32 when she died and now I’m getting closer to 50 every day. And Hannah? She was 5.

barbara_hannah_carole_sept_1996 for carole knits

This picture is from Hannah’s 3rd birthday in September, 1995. So, 18 months before my mom died. She was fighting the cancer then and looking and feeling pretty good. Truly, she felt pretty good until about 3 months before she died and then – well, then she tried an experimental treatment at Dana Farber and it took a lot out of her and she just never really bounced back. She got weaker and  the fight was just gone. I think she sort of gave up at that point. The doctor had told her 3 years and it had been 3 years and I think she figured, well, I’ve fought long enough and I’m tired and I’m done. I certainly don’t blame her and I’m grateful for every day I had with her.

If she was here today she’d be coming over to celebrate her birthday with us. She’d be demanding and expecting my best effort and probably driving me nuts. I’d be stressed out about making sure her birthday was good enough, that the birthday dinner I’d cooked was up to her standards, that the present I’d picked was something she liked. Those of you with strong willed mothers and challenging relationships with them understand.

And still. I’d be thrilled to have her here. To have her give me a hard time. To have one more chance to please her and show her how much I loved her.

To take a picture of her at 84, me at 49 and Hannah at 22.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I miss you every day.

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Comments

  1. says

    I truly understand this. My mom died when I was around the same age, and I also think of her and miss her every day. Happy Birthday to your mom – I will send a good thought to you all day today. :-)

  2. Jo says

    Margene is right about forever young. I totally appreciate your mixed, but still loving reaction to her.

  3. says

    I completely understand. My mom passed away in 2002 when I was 26. Her birthday is coming up on the 29th and she would have been 73. I would love to hear her call me toots one more time – she called me that when she was frustrated with me!

  4. says

    Oh Carole, hugs! I’m sure your mom is celebrating in grand style…living on in the memories of you and Hannah and everyone else who loved her. xo.

  5. Jo-Ann says

    Sure wish I’d had the privilege to know your mom, so I could tell her what an amazing daughter she’d raised. xoxox