It's the middle of the month and I still haven't shared what I read in…
Read With Us: The Intermezzo Discussion Post
It feels like we’ve been building up to our discussion about Sally Rooney’s Intermezzo for a very long time but the waiting is finally over and today is the day! I am posting questions here and Bonny and Kym are doing the same on their blogs. And we’d love to have you join us for our Zoom discussion tonight at 7pm EST as well if you’re available.
I highlighted many passages and paragraphs in this book, some quite lengthy, but it’s the shortest one of all that I want to use to kick off our discussion:
People aren’t themselves when they’re grieving.
That sentence stopped me in my tracks. It’s so simple and also profoundly true. I think it’s safe to say that when we are grieving and, consequently aren’t ourselves, we might do things that we wouldn’t typically do.
And that makes me ask: where and how do you see grief and loss manifesting in the novel — in Peter’s and Ivan’s lives and beyond? How do you think grief is impacting their relationships and decisions?
I look forward to reading your thoughts in the comments and look forward to discussing this with those of you in our Zoom session tonight, too.
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Well, I have not read the book, but I’m hoping that tonight’s discussion will make me more interested in picking it up!
What struck me about the brothers’ relationship in this book is that, aside from their differences in how they processed their grief, they really struggled to connect with other another and communicate with each other. I understood that a lot because my brother and I are just far enough apart in age that we were in different stages in school, and it felt a bit like a generational difference, much like Ivan and Peter. That made it really hard to connect with each other until we were both adults, and that’s without having to deal with grief.
Ooooooo. That’s such a juicy topic for discussion, Carole. I think Peter and Ivan were grieving their lost relationships and possibilities even before their father died. There is so much loss in this book, and it colors everything the characters (except maybe Naomi?) DO . . . to each other and with each other. I love the complexity of it all, and at the end of the day . . . I think that’s why Sally Rooney is such well-regarded author.
In my experience with people dealing with grief, it’s often males that seem to want to be emotionally tough and deny it. I know that’s a sexist answer, but it seems that if they just take the death in stride and try to go about their lives as normal, then everything will be okay. I think that’s what Peter and Ivan both tried to do. They seemed to be close as children but grew apart as adults. They had an opportunity to come together after the death of their father; after all, they understood how a son might feel since they were both in that position. It wasn’t until after they had come to physical blows that they could begin to let their guards down. I don’t know any grown men that have physically fight with their brothers and say they hate each other, so for me that was a good example of grief manifesting itself.
So, I like this question Carole and thank you for asking it! I can approach it even though I thoroughly disliked this book! I think grief becomes an integral part of us, once we experience it… we are forever changed. We err in thinking we will “get through the stages of grief and then be done” but grieving is never over. Happily, I think most of us are not characters in a novel … especially characters that are extremely unlikeable. I think grief is much more recognizable by those who know us well… a stranger on the street might now know we are grieving, but our friends and family surely do. For me, that was what was missing in this book that recognition, even camaraderie, of grief. (and yes, I get that Ivan and Peter did not like or respect each other)