While the rest of the country observed the legal holiday last Friday, the town where I work observes it today. So. No work for me. And even though the blog isn’t work, I’m using the work holiday as an excuse to take today off from the blog, too.
I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow. Happy Monday!
As we approach Independence Day I want to say . . . Happy Birthday, America! I have some things I’d like to give you to celebrate your birthday . . . racial equality, universal health care, and economic security for all. I hope you will make the most of these gifts because I think those are the keys to insuring many more birthdays for you.
And to all of you, have a great weekend. Stay safe and I’ll catch you back here on Tuesdays.
Do you ever have those nagging things that you should do but you just don’t make the time? I’m talking about simple things that might take a moment longer than you’d like but in the end will actually save you time and/or money? Yeah. Me too. And today I’m thinking about 3 of them in particular.
Hopefully writing this post will inspire me to get these things (and others that I’m sure I’m ignoring) done!
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Listen. I have a lot of hopes for you.
I’m hopeful that our trip to Maine, which is now booked, is possible since it’s conditional on negative COVID tests.
I’m hopeful that our garden grows. There are tomatoes, peppers, summer squash, and zucchini (finally) planted and I’m hoping you warm summer days will encourage a lot of rapid growth since we’re so far behind on getting them in the ground.
I’m hopeful that the enthusiasm for learning about racism in our country, for reading books written by Black authors, for holding bad police accountable for their actions, for listening and growing, doesn’t wane.
I’m hopeful for more family time. We have birthdays to celebrate together this month and we’d like to do that around a fire in our backyard. I’m hoping the weather cooperates since outside is the place we feel most comfortable when gathering.
I’m hopeful that lots of readers participate in our discussion of Wild Game.
I’m hopeful that Dale continues to make progress in his healing. He’s doing well but let’s go for the big finish by the end of the month, mmmmkay? I’ll hold August accountable for this one since the x-rays aren’t scheduled until then but I still need you to do your part.
July, you usher in the second half of 2020 and there’s a lot riding on you to start this off correctly. Let’s make sure it’s brighter, safer, happier, and stress free.
I’m counting on you.
Today I am joining with Honoré and sharing an update on my journey with my 2020 One Little Word, Open.
I find myself thinking about the word open a lot. In my darker moments I strongly dislike (I won’t use the word hate but you know I’m thinking it) this word. It has challenged me in ways I never could have predicted and it has been difficult. Difficult to be open when life is scary and I want to close down. Difficult to remain open when all I want to do is hide myself away from the wor(l)d. And now, particularly, difficult to re-open the parts of myself that I shut down to protect myself from trauma.
As Dale has gotten stronger and more independent, I find myself wanting to protect him more. Even though I longed for this back in the days when he was very very helpless, now I find myself scared of it. Scared to let him drive a car by himself. Scared to have him go up and down the stairs alone. Scared, frankly, to let him out of the bubble I closed him up in to protect him and enable him to heal.
That bubble of protection? The one I stuck him in when he came home from the hospital? It’s very similar to the the one I put myself in a lot when I was a kid and I had to deal with the trauma of my childhood. The bubble is pretty and safe. It’s calm and quiet and the walls are thick and nothing can get in unless I allow it. Not fighting parents and brothers who leave, not alcoholism and chaos and domestic violence, and definitely not accidents and death. The flipside, of course, is that nothing can get out either. And nothing can grow or change because the bubble won’t allow for that. The bubble keeps us safe. The bubble also keeps us stagnant.
As we approach another month, I know that I have to put the trauma bubble away. I have to open up and allow for change and growth as we move into the next phase of recovery, both physically and emotionally.
The reality is that I might not be ready to put the bubble away completely. I might still need some protection from the chaos of the outside world. But I’m definitely ready to put some windows in the bubble and open them up to let the light back in.
