Looking Back: March 2020

April 8, 2020 By Carole

If I’m going to be completely honest (and I try very hard to be completely honest when I share my thoughts, feelings and ideas with you) I’ve been avoiding looking back at March. We started this new way of life on March 13th and I’ve just been avoiding reliving the marked change that has brought for us . . . mostly in the removal of in-person time with Jackie. But, documenting our life in photos and videos is something I do and if I’m doing it I’m sharing it. So here we go.

What did I learn? How to bake sourdough bread! Sean shared his started with me early in the month (before it became trendy, ha!) and I made two really great loaves of sourdough bread. I’m going to make some again this week.

What was my greatest accomplishment? Finishing that puzzle of New York City!

Where did I go? Last month I said nowhere as often as possible. This month that’s really true.

Who did I spend time with? And what did we do? At the beginning of the month we were with Brant and Dale’s friend Dennis as they were both in town for Randy’s memorial service. By the end of the month it was all Dale, all the time. Good thing I like him.

What brought me joy? Seeing spring arrive in my yard. It’s a wonderful reminder that even as we feel like things are falling apart the natural world continues on.

What do I want to remember? That I can survive change. That I can find joy at home. That technology is a wonderful tool for staying connected when you can’t be with people, whether that’s family, friends or work. That life is precious and should be celebrated every single day.

I won’t pretend I’m excited about what April may have in store for us but I will say that I will face it with courage. And an open heart.

Fabric Face Masks

April 7, 2020 By Carole

I made 4 face masks yesterday.

Add that to the list of things I never thought I’d find myself saying.

But, given the new recommendations that we all wear face coverings when we go out in public I decided it was time. I basically followed this pattern and instructions. If you have basic sewing skills it’s simple enough. A few things to note:

I used quilting fabric from my stash. The masks are 2 layers and I used a different layer for the lining so that we know which is the inside.
I did not add a pocket for a filter. I want them to be comfortable and breathable and these are not meant for medical use.
I specifically chose this pattern because I wanted a mask that hooked over the ears and didn’t tie since we both have long hair. (And mine is getting longer by the day, I swear!)
I stitched a piece of bias tape on the lining so that I can insert a piece of floral wire to shape the top of the mask around the nose. I left it open on one end so that I can remove the wire to wash the masks.
The first one took me about 30 minutes. After that I finished 3 more in less than an hour. Should we need more (color coordination matters) I’m sure I can reduce that time.

They are pretty comfortable. I didn’t wear mine for long but the elastic around the ears didn’t bother me. Dale wore his for the better part of the afternoon as he was outside doing yard work. It probably wasn’t necessary to wear it then but it was a good way to get used to it. He reported that the elastic was fine and it didn’t bother him to wear.

I’m headed to the library today to do some paperwork. I’ll be there by myself so I won’t wear it while I’m inside but I will be wearing it when I’m out in public and I hope I don’t feel silly. I hope, instead, that I have the courage to wear it proudly as I protect others.

Right Now

April 6, 2020 By Carole

I’ve seen those social media posts that start with . . . So I Remember . . . and the people list gas prices, etc. Bloggers are list pros so here’s my list of what’s going on for us right now.

Smiling: for our Front Steps Project photo. Our neighbor is a professional photographer and she took this photo of us a week or so ago (the days all do blend together right now, don’t they?) and all the proceeds went to a charity in our town. Great idea and I loved capturing this moment in time in front of our house.
Knitting: NightShift and socks. Not a lot, honestly, but I’m making progress and really enjoying NightShift.
Zooming: A lot! We had a virtual happy hour with Kym and Tom last week, I’ve got a Department Head meeting this morning, a library network membership meeting this week and more. It’s a good way to stay in touch with friends who live far away (honestly, we should have been doing this for ages!) and great for remote meeting participation.
Journaling: Daily. I list 5 things in my gratitude journal every morning and I use my other journal for getting my feelings down on paper, doing some simple artwork, and collaging. It helps.
Meditating: More than usual because, again, it helps.
Reading: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön. It goes hand in hand with my meditation practice and it couldn’t be more perfect for right now.
Dreaming: Intensely. Last night I had a dream that we were in a hotel on the ocean and the entire first floor flooded. I’ve had plenty of anxiety dreams lately and several with my brother as well. He’s been on my mind a lot as he died 37 years ago this Wednesday. Clearly I’m releasing my anxiety in my dreams.
Listening to: Brené Brown’s new podcast Unlocking Us. No one gets to the heart of anxiety and vulnerability the way she does and I’m so grateful for this new way to learn from her.
Watching: Star Wars (I put watching all the movies on my 20 in 2020 List), Olive Kitteridge (because Dale just read the book), Call the Midwife (so glad it’s back), Ken Burns Country Music (so grateful for my PBS Passport service as a sustainer). Please note we are not watching Tiger King. Not happening here.
Sewing: face masks for Dale and I. I haven’t attempted this yet but yesterday we went through my fabric stash (it’s extensive from all those years of quilting) and I’m hoping to get some made this afternoon.
Contemplating: human behavior. Dale and I went for a drive yesterday and observed things that we couldn’t believe we were seeing. Bikers in a group in a parking lot. A group of kids playing baseball. People attempting social distancing but being way closer than 6 feet apart. I don’t get it, I really don’t.
Avoiding: everywhere! I did go to the grocery store last Wednesday for the first time in 2 weeks. I don’t panic about trips like this, but it’s definitely a weird time to be in a store. Never in my lifetime have I made a list of things we need and had to say if they have it but those are the times we are in. Also the cashier told me she sees the same people in the store every single day. So again I say: stay home.
Missing: my family. I’m grateful to be with Dale and not be alone but I sure do miss our kids and especially Jackie. We FaceTime with him frequently and that’s wonderful but I’m truly looking forward to holding that little bug in my arms again.

What’s happening for you right now? I’d love to know.

Eye Candy Friday

April 3, 2020 By Carole

It’s a rainy, windy day here in my neck of the woods but this bouquet of daffodils on my kitchen table makes it feel sunny despite the weather.

Let’s hope we all find sunshine this weekend in one form or another.

Be well. Stay home. See you Monday.

Three On Thursday

April 2, 2020 By Carole

We’re another week into this thing and I have some thoughts to share. Maybe some of this will be stuff you can relate to and maybe you’ll find a nugget to help you cope. Or maybe not and you’ll just chalk this up to another rambling (and slightly vulnerable) post. Here’s what’s rolling around in my head:

I had a session with my Life Coach the other day and it was very helpful. All the stuff I’m committed to doing . . . writing my story, coming up with a program to help women in the workforce, working through the crap from my childhood . . . are sort of on hold as I try to just get through this time that we’re in. So she and I talked about anxiety and how I’m feeling and her suggestion . . . which is really so obvious but I still needed to hear it . . . is to make two lists when I get anxious or overwhelmed. One list is for the things I’m worrying about that I can’t control. And the other is for the things that I can actually do to help me cope.
This session also illustrated very clearly for me how my response as an adult to a situation that’s out of my control is directly related to the things that happened to me as a child. When my parents split up, when the grownups drank too much, when my mother and stepfather fought and there wasn’t dinner, when all the things that made me feel unsafe happened, my response was to control as much as I possibly could. What I mean is, when things are out of control I feel unsafe so I do my best to keep things in control and safe, not just for me but for the people I love, too. I’d say this is what makes me a good manager, a good wife and mother, and a good friend. It’s also what makes what is happening right now harder for me to deal with.
On the other hand, I have recognized that even when I think I’m in control of things . . . I’m not. Sure, we make plans to meet friends for dinner or go to a concert or take a vacation (all of those things were on our calendar for April and beyond and they have all been cancelled) but the reality is that it’s all out of my control. Things happen. Plans change. Events get rescheduled. Pretty much every plan we make is ultimately at the whim of the universe. This pandemic is an opportunity to recognize that and accept that and use it as a reminder that all we really have is the present moment.

And that’s where my head is this Thursday. I hope you’re doing well but even more than that, I hope you’re staying home. Really. Just stay home.

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